


voltron: the groupchat edition

by snappysnails (sleepystreets)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Chatting & Messaging, Drugs, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Memes, Multi, Texting, chat, groupchat, idk just read it, just memeing, keith is a stoner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-02-08 08:37:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 24,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12860847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepystreets/pseuds/snappysnails
Summary: daddy: hey siri. how to kill my ?.self ?lancelot: wheres the puncutuatindaddy: gone with my dignity______hopefully it's not what you expect





	1. cha cha sli de

**Author's Note:**

> keith: kryptid  
> pidge: podge  
> lance: lancelot  
> hunk: thunkahunk  
> shiro: daddy  
> allura: pribcess
> 
> welcome

_lancelot >> kryptid, podge, thunkahunk, daddy_

**lancelot:** i gonna FUKCING KILL MYSELF

**kryptid:** can i join

**lancelot:** are u like,,, ok

**lancelot:** keiht

**lancelot:** keitf

**lancelot:** keihT

**lancelot:** KRIEATH

**lancelot:** he d  ei d

**podge:** oh my god hes fucking dead

**lancelot:** MOD POD G E UR HERE !

**daddy:** Keith isn't dead, hes eating macaroni.

**lancelot:** whats that

**daddy:** Macaroni?

**lancelot:** ew you did it again

**podge:** u mean punctuation

**lancelot:** whys the word so long

**podge:** oh my god

**daddy:** Why do you want to die Lance

**lancelot:** oh yeah 

**lancelot:** im never gonna graduate

**lancelot:** not wit my grades

**podge:** whats ur gpa bitch

**lancelot:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, confidential info

**kryptid:** kraft dinner owns my ass

**thunkahunk:** dont speak to me with ur nasty processed food mouth

**podge:** go eat some leaves helen

**lancelot:** go blend some kale sharon

**podge:** someone add our soccer mom

**daddy:** no no no no no

**lancelot:** he just doesnt want his crush here

**podge:** ooooOOOoooOoOOooOoOoO

**lancelot:** o o o o oo O O o O o o O OOooooOooOO Oo

**thunkahunk:** oooooooo

**kryptid:** o

**daddy:** n O

_lancelot added pribcess_

**pribcess:** cha cha slide

_podge removed pribcess_

**lancelot:** Rejoice, For The Devil Has Perished

**thunkahunk:** Return Her

_thunkahunk added pribcess_

**pribcess:** they all come crawling back eventually

**lancelot:** PRINCNESS !

**pribcess:** MY KNIGHT

**lancelot:** s h e

**podge:** mother

**pribcess:** Child

**kryptid:** shiro has been strangely silent

**daddy:** hey siri. how to kill my ?.self ?

**lancelot:** wheres the puncutuatin

**daddy:** gone with my dignity

**pribcess:** hi shiro (:

**podge:** ew why are ur smileys backwards

**pribcess:** what do u mean ):

**podge:** its like this dumbass :)   :((

**pribcess:** im calling the government this is cyberbullying **  
**

****lancelot:**** (((:::::

**pribcess:** thank you lance my only true friend

 

_kryptid >> daddy_

**kryptid:** ur so QUIET say smth on the chat its awkward

**daddy:** her smileys are backward keith shes so cute

**kryptid:** say something she said hi

**daddy:** what do i say

**kryptid:** hi most likely

**kryptid:** ur so useless around ur crushes hahahahahha fucking dumbass

**daddy:** ur a dumbass

**daddy:** i challenge you to a duel i know u cant decline

**kryptid:**....im listening

**daddy:** whoever can get with their crush first wins

**kryptid:** I CANT DO THAT

**daddy:** u cannot decline u gay fuck

**kryptid:** i never declined,,,

**kryptid:** ,,,,

**kryptid:** you're on

**daddy:** rules, u have to actually be together no paying strangers like last time

**kryptid:** ,,,it was one time

**kryptid:** whats on the line

**daddy:** ,,winner gets $200 from the loser

**kryptid:** ,,,im gonna win

 

_lancelot >> kryptid, podge, thunkahunk, daddy, pribcess  
_

****lancelot:**** where are all y'all all y'all

**kryptid:** dairy queen

****lancelot:**** aren't u lactose intolerant

**kryptid:** im killing myslef one small cone at a time

****lancelot:**** i know a lactose-free sorbet place

 

_lancelot >> podge, thunkahunk_

**lancelot:** can't believe im doing this

 

_lancelot >> kryptid, podge, thunkahunk, daddy, pribcess  
_

**lancelot:** wanna go?

**lancelot:** with me?

**kryptid:** rn?

**lancelot:** yah

**kryptid:** ill pick you up

 

_daddy >> kryptid_

**daddy:** shit ur good


	2. spageddy....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancelot: i could hear u sorry im listening to music
> 
> kryptid: yeah i could hear you blasting a satanic distorted version of gucci gang like 5 blocks away
> 
> lancelot: you dont even live five blocks away
> 
> lancelot: thats the pure power of gucci gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont get used to frequent updates adifjhidohf

_lancelot >> kryptid_

**lancelot:** so by any chance,,,,,are we taking your bike

 **kryptid:** ya, i dont have a car

 **lancelot:** ill have a helmet rite

 **kryptid:** only got one

 **lancelot:** KEITH ILL DIE

 **lancelot:** guess ill have to hold on extra tight ;)

 **kryptid:**....

 **lancelot:** IM JOKING

 **lancelot:** keith ?

 **lancelot:** oh my god i made this weird

 

_kryptid >> daddy_

**kryptid:** hollllllllly fucccccccc

 **kryptid:** shiro

 **kryptid:** shiro

 **kryptid:** shiro

 **kryptid:** hes gonna give me a heart attack

 

_kryptid >> lancelot_

**kryptid:** yeah jk i have an extra helmet

 **lancelot:** cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

 

_thunkahunk >> lancelot, kryptid, podge, daddy, pribcess_

**thunkahunk:** hello :)

 **lancelot:** HUNK  
****

**pribcess:** HUNK  
****

**podge:** HUNK  
****

**kryptid:** HUNK

 **pribcess:** yes hu nk

 **thunkahunk:** i was just thinking

 **lancelot:** wht

 **podge:** whut

 **pribcess:** wha  
****

**kryptid:** what

 **thunkahunk:** should i ask out shay

 **lancelot:** THE CUTE GIRL IN UR PHYSICS CLAS?S

 **thunkahunk:** yes

 **lancelot:** yes shes a good match for u i can feel it in my bones

 **podge:** bone hurting juice

 **kryptid:** milk?

 **podge:** no  
****

**lancelot:** haha keith and his weak bones bcs hes lactose intolerant

 **podge:** its not queefs fault that hes lack toes in taller end

 **thunkahunk:** sto p! ok ok so what about shay

 **pribcess:** WHOEM'ST'DEVE?

 **thunkahunk:** shay shes really nice and when i accidentally poured my spaghetti on her she didnt even get mad

 **podge:** kinky

 **thunkahunk:** h o w

 **lancelot:** h o w

 **kryptid:** how

 **kryptid:** ok lance im gonna go pick u up

 **pribcess:** spageddy....

_podge removed pribcess_

**lancelot:** STOP REMOVING ALLURA EVERYTIME SHE SAYS SOMETHIGN PROBLEMATIC

 **podge:** shes ruining my life

 

_pribcess >> lancelot_

**pribcess:** add me back

 **lancelot:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **lancelot:** no

 **pribcess:** ill give u my $1 sephora giftcard

 **lancelot:** is that even legal

 **pribcess:** yes

 **pribcess:** do u accept my generous offer meanie

**lancelot:** _...yes_

 

_lancelot >> kryptid, podge, thunkahunk, daddy, pribcess_

**lancelot:** fuck all yall

_lancelot added pribcess_

**pribcess:** idk who yall think u are but the person who kicked me off is gonna get their ass BEAT !

 **podge:** it was me

 **pribcess:** idk who yall think u are but the person who kicked me off is gonna get a big hug

 **podge:** just as i thot

 **lancelot:** bE   GO   N            E   TH      O               T

 **kryptid:** open the fucking door lance ive been knocking for like 14  years

 **lancelot:** i could hear u sorry im listening to music **  
**

**kryptid:** yeah i could hear you blasting a satanic distorted version of gucci gang like 5 blocks away

 **lancelot:** you dont even live five blocks away

 **lancelot:** thats the pure power of gucci gang  
****

**podge:** i cannot believe

 **pribcess:** delete yoruslefl

 **lancelot:** k bye yall me n keith are going sorbet eatin like sum vegan 50's boys

 

_podge >> thunkahunk, daddy, pribcess_

**podge:** ,,soo are they on a date,

 **daddy:** yes

 **thunkahunk:** i was napping wassup

 **pribcess:** ,,, i n  t  e r e sti ng

 **thunkahunk:**!!! THEY ON A DATE

 **thunkahunk:** so who wants to stalk them

 **podge:** me

 **daddy:** shouldn't we respect their privacy

 **podge:** shouldn't we respect their privacy

 **podge:** see i knew you would say that

 **pribcess:** LMAOFA OIFH

 **podge:** also im pretty close to them locationally

 **thunkahunk:** how?

 **podge:** i have lance on find my friends

 **podge:** you dont know how many times ive checked and hes at a random gas station at 4 am

 **podge:** damn this sorbet place is only like a block away

 **pribcess:** BINCH !!

 **podge:** im being very incognito im wearing bright pink they will never suspect

 **podge:** I SEE THEM HFOASDIHF

 **pribcess:** UPD A T E S

 **podge:** HOLY SHIT KEITH JUST DID THAT

 **thunkahunk:** DID WHAT


	3. rip billiiam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pribcess: what kinda,,, headass shit is this
> 
> podge: ill fight you in a dennys parking lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you thankk you thank you for over 300 hits guys <33  
> comments are appreciated i love them

_thunkahunk >> podge, daddy, pribcess_   
****

**thunkahunk:** PIDGE WHAT WHAT DID KEITH DO

 **pribcess:** is KEITH MAKING OUT WITH LANCE

 **daddy:** my little brother got game

 **thunkahunk:** PIDGE WHAT HAPPENED

 **podge:** keith just bit his ice cream

 **podge:** he didnt lick it he just dug his bare bone squares into the ice cream

 **thunkahunk:** ok 1. teeth not fucking bone squares and 2. sorbet

 **podge:** sorry uwu i forgot

 **pribcess:** updates updates

 **daddy:** I'm strangely invested

 **thunkahunk:** also what the shit keith

 **pribcess:** disown hi m

 **podge:** fun discovery, carrots work as styluses for touch screens

 ** **thunkahunk:**** in what situation could u have found that out also arent u supposed to be stalking klance

 **pribcess:** KL A NCN E

 **pribcess:** im naming my first born child klance

 **podge:** ok um while u slander my name you are also touching ur filthy screen with ur bare hands while me, an intellectual and a genius am using a carrot

 **pribcess:** what kinda,,, headass shit is this

 **podge:** ill fight you in a dennys parking lot

 **daddy:** What are they doing now Pidge?

 **podge:** theyre on a bench talking like losers

 **podge:** lance has like 40 scoops of sorbet balancing on a cone and keith is a fucking 1 scoop in a cup guy

 **thunkahunk:** lance knows whats up

 **podge:** lANCE SAID SOMETHING TO KEITH AND KEITH IS BLUSHING SO HARD HES REDDER THAN HIS JACKET FUKCNGNN

 **daddy:** Pics for blackmail

 **podge:** YA H WAIT

 **podge:** SHIT

 **podge:** SHIT

 **podge:** ABORT MISSION

 **podge:** MY FLASH WAS ON THEY SAW ME 

**pribcess:** if u squat u will look like a 3 year old child and they wont be suspicious

 **thunkahunk:** lmao 

**podge:** ok 1. fuck you and 2. the squatting hurts my thighs arent built for this

 **thunkahunk:** UR ACTUALLY SQUATINNG

 **pribcess:** get them,,, thicc gloots

_podge removed pribcess_

**thunkahunk:** PL EA SE 

_thunkahunk added pribcess_

**pribcess:** g h lu ot e $

 **podge:** do u ever stop and wonder why u dont have any fucking frineds allura

 **pribcess:** ))::

_daddy named the chat: **mission laith**_

**podge:** ew laith is ugly its klance

 **daddy:** I know you just make fun of others to hide your own internal pain Pidge

 **pribcess:** ,,,,diggity darn

 **thunkahunk:** top ten anime deaths

 **podge:** i will hack into government records and delete ur file and u will cease to exist

 **daddy:** Please do

 **pribcess:** pleabse be queit i need quei t plebse

 **podge:** why wha happened

 **pribcess:** i dropped my fave highlight and he shattered everywhere and i just need to be lonesome

 **thunkahunk:** ,,no

 **podge:** no dont tell me he was

 **pribcess:** it was billiam

 **thunkahunk:** isnt he the becca champagne pop

 **pribcess:** ya ):

 **daddy:** It's ok Allura we're all here for you

 

_lancelot >> kryptid, podge, daddy, thunkahunk, pribcess_

**lancelot:** hey guys

 **podge:** hii

 **lancelot:** why is no one here

 **thunkahunk:** im here

 **kryptid:** here

 **lancelot:** ur right next to me u dont have to rolecall

 **kryptid:** no one else knows that

 **kryptid:** just like how nobody knows that mothman is real

 **lancelot:** tru and stfu 

**daddy:** Hello lance

 **lancelot:** hey daddy ;)

_daddy has left the chat_

**lancelot:** goddamiit

_lancelot added daddy_

**lancelot:** wheres allura

 **thunkahunk:** shes's mourning

 **pribcess:** hi lance ):

 **lancelot:** whas wrong

 **pribcess:** billiam fell

 **lancelot:** NO cant u do the alcohol trick ?

 **pribcess:** he shattered everywhere ):

 

_daddy >> kryptid_

**daddy:** Why is makeup so expensive

 **daddy:** This shit like 50$ 

 **kryptid:** literally what are you talking about

 **daddy:** Highlighter because Allura broke hers

 **kryptid:** is that the billiam they keep talking about

 **daddy:** Yeah, I'm at Sephora right now

 **kryptid:** ;)

 **daddy:** K I got it, now shut up

 

_daddy >> pribcess_

**daddy:** Hey can I come over real quick?

 **pribcess:** u mite need a canoe to navigate thru the halls bcs of my tears )):

 **daddy:** Whatever it takes _  
_

_pribcess >> lancelot, podge, kryptid, daddy, thunkahunk_

**pribcess:** holy fuccc c c

 **pribcess:** i love shiro

 **thunkahunk:** me too

 **lancelot:** me three

 **podge:** dunno

 **kryptid:** debatable

 **daddy:** Fuck You

 **pribcess:** i LOVE HIM HE BOUGHT ME A NEW BILLIAM BCS I BROKE THE OLD ONE

 **lancelot:** holy shit?

 **lancelot:** what are you naming him

 **pribcess:** thermostattatouille

 **podge:** what the uf ck

 **pribcess:** THANK YOU SHIRO <<<333

 **daddy:** You're welcome :)

 

_kryptid >> daddy_

**kryptid:** shit ur good


	4. keith is fukcing high

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kryptid: ,r any of us ok
> 
> pribcess: keith is fukin g high
> 
> lancelot: keith is a stoner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 500 notes !!! i cannot comprehend i literally started this fic like 4 days ago !! <333 if u got anything you want to see in the next chapters just comment ill prolly do it :)

_lancelot >> pribcess, kryptid, daddy, podge, thunkahunk  
_

**lancelot:** we need a chat name

_lancelot named the chat: **dem boys...**_

**kryptid:** ,,, hahah dem boys

 **kryptid:** im also a mal

 **lancelot:** u ok keith

 **kryptid:** ,r any of us ok

 **pribcess:** keith is fukin g high 

**lancelot:** keith is a stoner

 **pribcess:** we're on a swingset and there is just a CLOUD VAGUELY MOVING AND THATS KEITH he is the cloud

 **lancelot:** WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN IN THE PARK

 **pribcess:** the parents JUST USHER THEM AWAY

 **pribcess:** lil susie INhaled some and is gonna be fuking smonked

 **kryptid:** the moon isnt real

 **pribcess:** oh my god ??

 **kryptid:** its  a hologr am **  
**

**pribcess:** lance are you seeing this

 **kryptid:** THE GOVERNMENT PLACED IT THERE TO DISTRACT US FROM REAL LIFE PROBLEMS!

 **lancelot:** keith no **  
**

**thunkahunk:** helloo

 **podge:** hello

 **pribcess:** keith is high **  
**

**kryptid:** no im like only 5'8

 **podge:** oh my god is keith a stoner

 **kryptid:** if the moonn isnt real then obama conrtols the seas

 **thunkahunk:** my god

 **podge:** IGNORING KEITH, spring break is coming up who wants to do something fun

 **lancelot:** ME HOLY SHIT

 ** **pribcess:**** ME ! ** **  
****

**thunkahunk:** WHAT WE GONNE DO

 **daddy:** Am i invited?

 **lancelot:** yes

 **kryptid:** bruhhhhhhhh ponytails are so funnnn i cant believe ive never put my hair in a ponytail ever before

 **pribcess:** he looks pretty cute 

**kryptid:** bbrrru  hhhh 

**thunkahunk:** someone take the weed away from keith

_pribcess sent a photo_

**pribcess:** isnt keeif cute with a ponytail everyone give him validation

 **daddy:** Lil bro is high... but he looks decent for once

 **podge:** sorry yall i went to go make ramen

 **podge:** KEITH MY BOY LOOKS HANDSUm

 **thunkahunk:** handsum keeith

 **pribcess:** lance where r u give my boy validation

 **podge:** where r u give keef validation

 **lancelot:** ,,pretty

 

_podge >> **mission laith**_

**podge:** g o d da m 

**pribcess:** lance fucking did TH A T

 **daddy:** God Damn

 **thunkahunk:** shitt

 **podge:** Now What Will Keith Do Next...

 

_kryptid >> lancelot_

**kryptid:** u htibk im prebty

 **lancelot:** no comment

 

_kryptid >> **dem boys...**_

**kryptid:** ,,, holy fuckk

 **podge:** keith machine broke

 **pribcess:** lMAO under the cloud of pure MARiJUANA keith is re d

 **kryptid:** red,, my fave corlour

 **pribcess:** just from being on the swing beside keith i can feel the straihgt cannabis entering my lungs and my bloodstream

 **kryptid:** second hand smonCC

 **kryptid:** how long have we been on thsi swingset

 **podge:** yah how long im betting like 4 hours

 **daddy:** Three hours

 **kryptid:** im thinking 20 minutes

 **pribcess:** bruh 

 **pribcess:** weve been sitting here for a hot 19 hours

 **kryptid:** is that why i cant feel my legs

 **thunkahunk:** bruh get outta there

 **pribcess:** im here sippin a strawberry frappe and it fucking smells like weed everywhere

 **podge:** basic binch

 **pribcess:** go suck some fucking toes u ugly ass furry looking rotten casserole

 **kryptid:** vbi g oof f

_podge removed pribcess_

**podge:** The Evil Is Removed

 **podge:** lance has been strangely quiet,,,,,

 **lancelot:** IM HERE CALM DOWN 

 **pribcess:** Surprise, Bitch

 **pribcess:** I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me.

 **kryptid:** br  UU hh  
****

**podge:** i didnt even add you back wtf

 **lancelot:** goddAMN ALLURA WTF 

**pribcess:** (;;

 **thunkahunk:** what r we gonna do for spring break tho

 **lancelot:** ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP

 **daddy:** Oh god  
****

**pribcess:** YES !

 **thunkahunk:** y e s 

**podge:** TO WHERE THO

 **lancelot:** can you believe,, i did not think that far

 **podge:** surprised u even thought at all

 **daddy:** LOL

 **daddy:** Is that how the kids do it

 **lancelot:** you're not even that old shiro

 **lancelot:** ur actually like 6 

**daddy:** I'M NOT SIX

 **lancelot:** ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT

 **pribcess:** ill borrow my uncles mini van !!!!!!!

 **lancelot:** whos the designated adult tho

 **thunkahunk:** we are all adults here lance

 **lancelot:** nah pidge is like 4

 **podge:** lance,,,,

 **podge:** i will kill u

 **lancelot:** hahhahaha cHILD

 **lancelot:** what would u even do

 **lancelot:** u aint even reach my knee

 **lancelot:** short ass lil binch

 **lancelot:** HOYL FUCK PIDGE KNOCKEDM MY DOOR DOWJN

 **kryptid:** go d  dam n bruh  r ip

 


	5. does lance is communist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> podge: tomato potato
> 
> daddy: That isn't correct
> 
> podge: potatie tomatie

_lancelot >> _ _**dem boys...** _

**lancelot:** ok but where are we gonna go for spring break 

**pribcess:** WHOM wanna go to my,,,,uncles,,,, beach house

 **podge:** i vote that we go sit in a huge pit for the whole week

 **thunkhunk:** why are you all awake

 **lancelot:** what do you mean its literally 4

 **thunkahunk:** 4 AM 

**lancelot:** damn fr?

 **lancelot:** goddamn ur rite

 **pribcess:** lance u didnt know this

 **daddy:** Why are you all awake at this ungodly hour

 **lancelot:** i downed 5 caffeine pills this MORnng and i can see the wall melting

 **lancelot:** wheres keifeth 

**pribcess:** dead

 **thunkahunk:** he smoked weed for almost 20 hours straight hes prolly dead

 **lancelot:** rest in pieccE?

 **thunkahunk:** anyways i vote we go to the beach house that sounds like a lot of fun

 **lancelot:** as well i agree too me decides

 **podge:** after researching best pits, i have to vote that we go to the beach house

 **pribcess:** i as well vote he got a pool !

 **daddy:** Might as well say my opinion now, I vote the beach house

 **lancelot:** aw yah

 **kryptid:** i love u guyyss

 **thunkahunk:** i love you keith !

 **pribcess:** im love keith

 **daddy:** Love you bro

 **lancelot:** ily :)

 **podge:** ,,,,, i guess keith is okay

 **kryptid:** im feeling the pit thho

 **lancelot:** die

 **podge:** Release The Hounds **  
**

**thunkahunk:** year long coma  
****

**daddy:** Disowned **  
**

**pribcess:** flippity dippity die **  
**

**thunkahunk:** majority rules

 **lancelot:** the government sUCK!

 **lancelot:** FUCK THE PARLIAME T

 **podge:** i know what we are all thinking and i gotta ask

 **podge:** ARE YOU A COMMUNISIT LANCE

 **lancelot:** ,,,,,,

 **kryptid:** c ommy unist

 **thunkahunk:** LANCE NO

 **lancelot:** ,,,, IM NOT A COMMUNIST BUT DADDY KARL MARX CAN EAT MY ASS

 **pribcess:** OK OK I CHECKEDIWHT MY UNCLE AND HE SAYS WE CAN GO TO HIS BEACH HOUSE

 **thunkahunk:** y es !

 **podge:** are we all just collectively ignoring lances comment

 **pribcess:** yes

 **thunkahunk:** yes

 **kryptid:** y  e ee aaaa **  
**

**daddy:** Yes

 **podge:** i can see ur typing something long lance and i jsut want you to know beforehand that i dont care 

**lancelot:** You Know What? I'm Tired Of The Lies, And Slander. This Family Is Toxic And I Honestly Will Not Stand Here While You Stomp On My Name And My Entire Family History. I Learned To Fight At The Age of Three Weeks, And I Want You All To Know That I Will Fight You All Fist To Fist And You Will Perish. The Strain This Fighting Has Put On Not Only Me, But My Comrades And My Father, Karl Marx, Is Too Much. If You All Would Kindly Die, I Would Be Finally Able To Cease These Thoughts And Silence These Complaints. Thank You.

 **lancelot:** ok 1. fuck you pidge 2. fuck you pidge

 **kryptid:** c ommy unism  <33

 **lancelot:** keith agrees !

 **podge:** thats because he loves you

 **thunkahunk:** oH SHIT

 

_daddy >> **mission laith**  
_

**daddy:** PIDGE WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T EXPOSE MY BROTHER

 **podge:** we all know he needs that little push

 **daddy:** Push?  You catapulted him off a cliff 

**thunkahunk:** asdfghjkl

 **podge:** tomato potato

 **daddy:** That isn't correct

 **podge:** potatie tomatie

 

_kryptid >> _ _**dem boys...** _

**kryptid:** i don't've lance i't'st've be a mistake'st've

 **pribcess:** W                       H              O     M                    S ' T  '  VVE 

**podge:** hi translator please theres a loose texan in this chat

 **thunkahunk:** begone texan

 **kryptid:** a cowboy can catch the cow but the cow cain't catch the cowboy

 **daddy:** His southern side comes out when he actually feels human emotions.

 **daddy:** **** I do not love Lance, it must have been a mistake****

 **podge:** thank shiro

 **lancelot:** oh please,,,,, u all love me

 **pribcess:**...

 **daddy:**...

 **podge:** ...

 **kryptid:** ...

 **thunkahunk:** ...

_podge added been there done matt_

**been there done matt:**...

_podge removed been there done matt_

**lancelot:** I HATE ALL YOU GUYS

 **pribcess:** PIDGE DID YOU REALL JUST ADD YOUR BROTHER FOR A QUICK SECOND JUST TO SLANDER LANCES NAME

 **podge:** yes

 **lancelot:** u lovvvveee me pigeon

 **podge:** DONT CALL ME THAT

 **lancelot:** tweet tweet u nasty bird 

_podge removed lancelot_

**kryptid:** i mean, hes cute'st've i guess

 **podge:** hOLY FUKCKCKC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN ily u all :'') and if you want to see the team get to any shenanigans in any future chapters just comment below


	6. hi corn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kryptid: so what if i am what are you gonna do
> 
> lancelot: fucking shut you up thats what
> 
> kryptid: ...how

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wont have time to update or post a chapter until like monday at best so i decided to give you guys this chapter early ! <<33333333 enjoy yall

_thunkahunk >> **dem boys...**_

_thunkahunk added lancelot_

**lancelot:** 6 days till spring bread!

 **podge:** bread  
****

**thunkahunk:** bread

 **pribcess:** bread

 **daddy:** bread

 **kryptid:** bread

 **lancelot:** im gonna bread all of your necks

 **thunkahunk:** OKAY but how are gonna get there are we all driving separately orrr

 **lancelot:** once again,,

 **lancelot:** ROAD TRIP

 **podge:** none of us own cars

 **daddy:** I do but it can't fit all of us...

 **pribcess:** i have a car big enough but im cannot bring the sexerella all the way to the coast yall

 **kryptid:** your car is named sexerella

 **pribcess:** yah just like in b99

 **thunkahunk:** what

 **podge:** what

 **lancelot:** YES ALLURA

 **pribcess:** lance is the only woke one in this chat

 **daddy:** Is your uncle gonna meet us at the beach house?

 **pribcess:** hold up

_pribcess added corn_

**pribcess:** hes never on his phone just wait until he comes out of noWHERE

 **thunkahunk:** me too lmao

 **daddy:** Are you sure he's OK with us coming for the week?

 **pribcess:** hell yeah

 **corn:** What this

 **pribcess:** CORN1!

 **corn:** allura! whats this

 **pribcess:** we were making plans for spring break (:

 **corn:** Im glad to have all of you over !

 **thunkahunk:** thank you... corn?

 **corn:** Its actually coran

 **thunkahunk:** thanks coran :)

 **podge:** yeah were really excited

 **daddy:** Thanks for accommodating all of us :)

 **lancelot:** coran!!

 **corn:** LANCE MY BOY

 **lancelot:** HOW ARE YOU CORAN

 **corn:** IM DOING DANDY HOW ABOUT YOU

 **lancelot:** just DANDY AS WELL

 **thunkahunk:** how do you know eachother tho

 **corn:** allura and lance were childhood friends and i had to watch over them often !

 **corn:** the amount of fires I had to put out

 **pribcess:** hahaha remember when i set fire to lance lmao peak of my childhood

 **podge:** what

 **daddy:** What

 **thunkahunk:** what

 **lancelot:** lmao remember when i set fire to YOU and then i laughed so hard and fell on you and I CAUGHT ON FIRE and we were both screaming and got first degree burns

  **pribcess:** good ass times

 **kryptid:** WHA  T

 **kryptid:** also sup coran

 **corn:** hi keith

 **thunkahunk:** AND HOW DO YOU KNOW EACHOTHER

 **kryptid:** we were in the same acrobatic jazz class? what kinda question

 **corn:** Good times

 **lancelot:** holy shit what

 **pribcess:** THAT KEITH IS THE SAME KEITH AS OUR KEITH ?

 **podge:** im screaMING KEITH U DID ACROBATIC JAZZ

 **corn:** until he broke his ankle

 **thunkahunk:** you told it was from a motorbike accident tho we even helped you home and shit

 **keith:** no i broke my ankle at jazz and when i was riding myself to the hospital i crashed into a mailbox and then i tried to hop home and i tripped on ice and broke my other ankle and then called yall to help

 **pribcess:** big oof

 **podge:** I DIDNT KNOW BOTH YOUR ANKLES WERE BROKEN

 **pribcess:** themoreyouknow.jpg

 **daddy:** Did you just type that out

 **pribcess:** you got a problem

 **daddy:** Yes

 **pribcess:** Too fuckign bad boi

 **corn:** Anyways, you can use my minivan, its at allura's place

 **pribcess:** I THOUGHT I WASNT ALLOWED TO TOUCH THE SEXERELLA

 **corn:** because u spilled orange soda on the ceiling??

 **corn:** besides that its a special occasion, you can drive her there and back for spring break

 **pribcess:** THKKA THAKNKTHAKTNAK YOU YES YES YES I CAN DRIVE THE SEXERELLA

 **thunkahunk:** THANK YOU

 **podge:** thank YOU

 **daddy:** Thanks !

 **kryptid:** thx

 **lancelot:** thANKS CORN

 **corn:** Is it okay if I leave this texting thing? the beeping hurts my brain you all type too much

 **pribcess:** yeah sure

 **corn:** See you all in a week !

 **thunkahunk:** bye!

 **podge:** bye!

 **kryptid:** bye

 **lancelot:** BYE

 **daddy:** Bye!

_corn left the chat_

**kryptid:** ok but

 **kryptid:** why is his screenname corn

 **lancelot:** what keith are you against effectively produced crops

 **kryptid:** so what if i am what are you gonna do

 **lancelot:** fucking shut you up thats what

 **kryptid:** ...how

 **podge:** the sexual tension is so thicc rn

 **lancelot:** what do you meaN PIDGE

 **kryptid:** yeah what do you mean

 **lancelot:** i obviously meant shut him up by beating his ass

 **kryptid:** oh yeah? wanna fucking go?

 **lancelot:** yeah you wann fucking go ?

 **kryptid:** yeah like in 30 minutes bro?

 **lancelot:** yeah at the nice diner place?

 **kryptid:** you wanna fucking go?

 **lancelot:** you fucking bet

 **kryptid:** see you the fuck soon dumbass

 **lancelot:** see you too hijo de puta

 **podge:** did they just

 **thunkahunk:** i just sat back and watched that happen

 **pribcess:** WHOOOOO LANCE GET IT

 **podge:** YOU HAVE BEEN STOPPED

 **pribcess:** NO

 **daddy:** What The Fuck?


	7. Big Oof.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancelot: stop feuding this isnt some roomba and jeremy shit
> 
> pribcess: do u mean,,, romeo and juliet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fucking lied i actually did have time to write another chapter its extra long here u go :)
> 
> ______  
> also click sadairhorn.mp3 it really just ,,,,,,portrays keith's emotions

_pribcess >>  **dem boys...**_

**pribcess:** so its been ,,,, 1 day how was yalls date

 **lancelot:** what date

 **podge:** u and ke  iths

 **kryptid:** cannot recall,,, hmmm

 **lancelot:** i have no idea

 **lancelot:** i think we might have gotten food together

 **kryptid:** like friends do

 **lancelot:** yes ofc

 **kryptid:** yes

 **pribcess:** hmmm sinteresting

 **lancelot:** ANYYY WAYYYYSSSSSSSSS

_lancelot named the chat: **SPRING BREAD !**_

**lancelot:** 5 days till spring bread !

 **podge:** can u even spell lance

 **lancelot:** i kno ur bitter bcs u have no friends pidge !

_podge named the chat: **lance sux**_

_lancelot named the chat: **pidge is bitter bcs she has no friends**_

_thunkahunk named the chat: **im your friend pidge**_

**daddy:** Why can't you all converse normally

_lancelot named the chat: **shiro will die alone**_

**daddy:** Honestly...true

 **kryptid:** i heard the sounds of shiro being roasted and i came as soon as i could

 **pribcess:** hi i heard shiro being roasted

 **pribcess:** ayyy keith

 **kryptid:** great minds think alike

 **lancelot:** leave shiro alone hes having a mid life crisis

 **thunkahunk:** at the age of 6

 **podge:** what kinda twisted toddler has a mid life crisis at 6

 **daddy:** What kind of toddler makes fun of six year olds when they can't tie their own shoes

 **podge:** LEAVE ME ALONE SHIRO LISTEN THE LACES ALWAYS SLIP OUT OF MY AHNDS LIKE I TRY AND I NEVER GET HE KNOT RIGHT IT JUST FALLS OUT AS SOON AS I STAND UP LISTEN THIS IS WHY LANCE ALWAYS DOES THEM FOR ME BCS I PHYSICALLY CANT DO IT LIKE IT DOESNT WORK I CAN HACK INTO THE GOVERNMENT BUT I CANT TIE MY SHOES THATS WHY IM ALWAYS WEARING VELCRO AND I NEVER WEAR COOL SHOES

 **kryptid:** not what i was expecting but welcome anyways

 **thunkahunk:** cant believe you just,, exposed yourself

 **lancelot:** stop feuding this isnt some roomba and jeremy shit

 **pribcess:** do u mean,,, romeo and juliet

 **lancelot:** yeah that

 **daddy:** Thanks Lance

 **lancelot:** no probert robert

 **pribcess:** no punk hunk

 **thunkahunk:** no pridge pidge

 **podge:** no priro shiro

 **daddy:** No preith Keith

 **kryptid:** no pance lance ?

 **lancelot:** NO PANTS LANCE

 **thunkahunk:** we are in separate rooms but i can hear lance excitedly taking his pants off

 **pribcess:** Go d

 **thunkahunk:** god hes playing his bad rap music real loud

 **lancelot:** IT ISNT BAD ITS GOOD

 **pribcess:** nothing can be better than my tasteful alt r&b music

 **kryptid:** is it gucci gang bcs im gonna kinda ask you to die

 **lancelot:** how 1. how dare you and 2. all you listen to is my chemical romance u greasy emo fuck

 **kryptid:** ...bitch

 **podge:** bye

 **pribcess:** bye

 **daddy:** Bye

 **thunkahunk:** bye

_podge added been there done matt_

_pribcess added corn_

**corn:** bye

 **been there done matt:** bye

_podge removed been there done matt_

__pribcess removed corn_ _

**daddy:** He actually doesn't though, thats a Keith myth

 **podge:** I bet he listens to country music

 **kryptid:** Im more a frank ocean guy

 **lancelot:** hOLLLYYY FUCKK FR???

 **kryptid:** YAH

 **lancelot:** god damn ive never been more attracted to keith

 **thunkahunk:** im more a classical guy

 **podge:** we all know you want a violin shoved up your ass hunk but can we focus on what lance jsut said

 **lancelot:** said what i said nothing

 **lancelot:** i have no idea

 **kryptid:**... we had a bonding moment

 **lancelot:** nope dont remember didnt happen

 **kryptid:** ....

 **pribcess:** [sadairhorn.mp3](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1qXQRpF08E)

 **daddy:** Big Oof.

 **thunkahunk:** shiro u dont have to capitalize everything

 **podge:** u fucking with us lance

 **lancelot:** no hablo ingles????????

 **thunkahunk:** LAN CE 

 **lancelot:** ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿qué????????????????????

 **podge:** Disowned™

_podge removed lancelot_

**kryptid:** g o d let him back in

 **podge:** on one condition

 **pribcess:** may i

 **podge:** at the same time

 **pribcess:** ok

 **podge:** 3

 **pribcess:** 2

 **podge:** 1

 **pribcess:** buy me cheerios

 **podge:** ask lance out

 **thunkahunk:** seems like yall had v diff ideas

 **podge:** allura no

 **pribcess:** i aint got ANY CEREAL EXCEPT FOR BRAN FLAKES

 **daddy:** Bran flakes are my favourite :)

 **podge:**...

 **thunkahunk:** ...

 **kryptid:** ...

 **pribcess:** ...

_podge added been there done matt_

_pribcess added corn  
_

**been there done matt:** ...

 **corn:** ...

_podge removed been there done matt_

_pribcess removed corn_

**pribcess:** anyways kieht get me honey nut cheerios not that plain original bullshit

 **kryptid:** i cant believe yall are blackmailing me

 **kryptid:** also open your door too i cant find ur doorbell

 **pribcess:** we aint got one but we have a fancy ass lion door knocker

 **podge:** what kinda rich people bullshit

_pribcess added lancelot_

**lancelot:** i hate y fycjs yall r so toxic

 

 _lancelot >>_ _podge, thunkahunk_

 **lancelot:** umm who the fuck was microwaving a whole cup of sprinkles bcs it melted and ITS SMOKING

 **podge:** can neither confirm nor deny

 **thunkahunk:** i tried to stop them

 **lancelot:** why

 **lancelot:** just why

 **podge:** sprinkles are just sugar and wax right?

 **lancelot:** i guess

 **podge:** exactly my point

 **lancelot:** WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

 **lancelot:** i hate all u im moving tf out

 **thunkahunk:** where would u go

 **podge:** keith's ?? ;)))

 **lancelot:** thats it youre evicted


	8. hackerman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pribcess: that sounds like fun
> 
> podge: that sounds like vore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if yall ever wonder why i update so often its bcs i tell myself shit like if this reaches 500 hits ill upload a new chapter, but like it's been gaining hits so quickly? like i uploaded this because it got to 1250 hits and 150 kudos and i honestly didn't expect it to even get that attention, but it did!

_kryptid >> **shiro will die alone**_

**kryptid:** 2 days till spring break

 **lancelot:** omg keith are you excited !

 **kryptid:** why wouldnt i be

 **lancelot:** idk you seem kinda detached all the time

 **kryptid:** i can have fun.,,

 **podge:** have you seen keith drunk oh my gooodododd

 **podge:** he knows no boundaries

 **podge:** i went drinking with him but i didnt drink anything obv s s 

**kryptid:** leave me LONE

 **podge:** tell em what happened keith

 **kryptid:** ... i woke up and on my phone were pictures on me standing on a billboard with no pants on and another hundred pics of me planking on a traffic sign

 **podge:** he was planking on traffic lights

 **podge:** at a major intersection

 **kryptid:** IDK HOW I GOT THERE

 **lancelot:** truly shockdt....

 **lancelot:** we l l nvm then KEITH ARE YOU READY TO PARTY

 **kryptid:** sure i guess

 **pribcess:** NO DRIKING IN MY PURE SPRING BREAK WE WILL HAVE FUN SWIMMING AT THE BEACH AND EATING POPSICLES

 **lancelot:** and getting TUUUUUUURNT

 **pribcess:** NO ! we will get nice tans and play volleyball

 **lancelot:** and get WASS T  E    DDDDD

 **daddy:** I'm just going to chill on a lawnchair and sip a mint mojito and watch you all get eaten by the waves as I chill

 **pribcess:** that sounds like fun

 **podge:** that sounds like vore

 **lancelot:** PIDG ES

 **podge:** get eaten by waves???

 **podge:** swallowed by momther earth

_thunkahunk removed podge_

**thunkahunk:** i sensed pidge talking about obscure fetishes again

 **thunkahunk:** they must be stopped

 **lancelot:** hahahahhahah pidge lil bitch

 

_podge >> lancelot_

**podge:** add me back

 **lancelot:** no u dirty goblin

 **podge:** ill kill u

 **lancelot:** GOOD ! I EMBRACE DEATH WITH OPEN ARMS

 **podge:** ...

 

_lancelot >> **shiro will die alone**_

**lancelot:** haha pidge tried to get me to add her back but i skillfully declined

_lancelot changed name to lil bitch_

**lil bitch:** WAIT I DIDNT DO THAT

 **thunkahunk:** WHAT DO HYOU MEAN

 **kryptid:** what he ufkc?

_lil bitchchanged name to im gay for keith_

**im gay for keith:** FAKE NEWS

 **im gay for keith:**   alSO i DIDNT CHANGE MY NAME 

**im gay for keith:** GOD IS THAT YOU ??

 **pribcess:** hahahahha ur gay for keith

 **kryptid:** ...

_kryptid changed name to i love lance_

**i love lance:** what the hell??? i didnt do that

 **im gay for keith:** YOU SEE

 **thunkahunk:** this is confusing bcs you have eachothers names in your screenname

 **daddy:** Ummm

 **daddy:** #exposed

 **pribcess:** cool,, nice and chill,,, just like how the kids do it

 **im gay for keith:** i know whats going on

_im gay for keith added podge_

**podge:** they all come crawling back eventually

 **pribcess:** hey thats my line

 **im gay for keith:** STOP FUCKGIN AROUND WITH MY USERNAME YOU FUCKING HaCKER GREMLIN

_im gay for keith changed name to lanceLIT_

**lanceLIT:** :::)))))

_i love lance changed name to kryptid_

**kryptid:** god pidge

____________________________________

 

_pribcess >> **shiro will die alone**_

**pribcess:** 1 DAYS TIME TO START PACKING

 **lanceLIT:**   W  H  OOO OOOO

 **lanceLIT:** im prepared and already started packing hahahahah

 **lanceLIT:** im on my 4th suitcase

 **podge:** why do you have fucignnn 4 suitcases

 **podge:** i just have a duffel bag

 **lanceLIT:** ok one suitcase has my clothes rite

 **lanceloLIT:** second and third have my skincare stuff

 **lanceLIT:** fourth one is full of candy and alcohol

 **podge:** wtf the fuck ?????????the fuck ?

 **kryptid:** i have a backpack 

**lanceLIT:** what how do u fit ur stuff

 **podge:** thats because hes a greasy emo boy who doesnt know what soap is

 **kryptid:** excuse me? honestly i cannot believe

 **kryptid:** this is,, homophobic,

 **pribcess:** im decent i have 2 small suitcases

 **daddy:** i have 1 suitcase

 **thunkahunk:** me too

 **lanceLIT:** i guess,,,, i could cut out my second skincare suitcase

 **lanceLIT:** : (((

 **pribcess:** i got skin stuff there obviously

 **lanceLIT:** allura,, goddesss,,,,,, 

**pribcess:** thanks u feeble mortals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter might be a lil different as opposed to the texting things, but it'll like switch up every now and then bcs I have no other way to tell the story whoops


	9. hit the road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thunkahunk: hes looking at us expectantly, waiting for validation
> 
> pribcess: Him Do A Big Sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the START OF THE DIFFERENT STYLE there will still be texting but the next 4-5 chapters will kinda be like this
> 
> ____________
> 
> UPDATE: IM THINKING OF MAKING AN INSTA ACCOUNT FOR THIS FIC THAT WILL HAVE LIKE, SNEAK PEAKS AND POLLS ON WHAT I SHOULD WRITE NEXT FUCKING RT IN THE COMMENTS IF U AGREE

_pribcess >>  **shiro will die alone**_

**pribcess:** ITS TIME GUYS ME N SEXERELLA ARE GONNA COME PICK ALL YALL UP AND THEN WE WILL GOOOOOOO

_lanceLIT changed name to lancelot_

**lancelot:** i was tired of lancelit honestly

 **lancelot:** but bruh im so ready 

**daddy:** We all need a vacation

 **thunkahunk:** ive been sitting at the door for 3 hours now

 **podge:** we all know me n lance can see you hunk

 **lancelot:** wHOOO

 **kryptid:** im excited

 **lancelot:** thats the fucking spirit keith

____________________

The radio is playing, she and her best friends in the whole world are in a car rushing down an almost deserted highway. They're passing various pretty grassy landscapes, and the sun is shining, the windows are open and everything is peaceful and calm.

Or at least that's how Allura imagined it.

"GOD. FUCKING. DAMN! CLOSE THE DAMN WINDOW, I CAN'T SPEAK BECAUSE AIR IS FLOWING INTO MY MOUTH A HUNDRED MILES AN HOUR!" Pidge screams from the very back where they sit with Hunk, who just seems generally bored and uninterested by the whole experience.

"What was that Pidge?"Shiro smiles from the driver's seat as he checks the rear-view mirror.

"I'M FUCKING SUFFERING!"

"Nothing? Okay." Shiro responds, knowing very well what he was doing.

"Pidge, darling, honey, sweetie, baby, shut the fuck up? Thank you." Lance coos from the middle of the van, as he scrolls through his phone, his feet in Keith's lap.

"Can you not sit like this? Your bony ass ankles are digging into my thighs." Keith groans as he shifts his legs for the twentieth time to relieve the pain. He mimes karate-chopping Lance's ankles.

"Um, no I cannot Keith, and I'm glad to tell you why," Lance replies insincerely.

"I'm glad to tell you that nobody wants to know." Hunk interjects with the same tone Lance had, dripping with false niceties.

"Petition to, um, eject Hunk out of the car?" Lance announces. "I gladly sign it," he continues.

Silence.

 

_podge >> **mission laith**_

**podge:** one, why is it still named this and

 **podge:** dont u love letting lance suffer

 **thunkahunk:** honestly, yah

 **pribcess:** hahaha everyone stay quiet until he starts to feel emotionally attacked

 **thunkahunk:** hes looking at us expectantly, waiting for validation

 **pribcess:** Him Do A Big Sad

 **podge:** he called me a gremlin he deserves it

 **pribcess:** i feel like you are more of a goblin???

 **thunkahunk:** id say like, an annoying woodland sprite

 **podge:** i just searched inside my soul and i feel more like a garden gnome tbh

 

"Okay, um, you think you have friends and then they just turn on you? Honestly? Ugly ass souls you all got in there," Lance grumbles, and Pidge, Hunk and Allura all giggle.

 

_podge >> **mission laith**_

**podge:** haha there he goes

 **pribcess:** he sounded so betrayed lmao

 **thunkahunk:** pidge i know

 **thunkahunk:** ur a leprechaun

 **pribcess:** short green and mischievous

 **podge:** yes i spend my days at the end of the rainbow, harvesting and absorbing the gay rays, and collecting my damn coin

 **pribcess:** thats gay /:

 **podge:** WE ARE ALL GAY

 **podge:** hunk is our token heterosexual tho

 **pribcess:** hes straight but hes not a Straight™

 **podge:** yah

 **thunkahunk:** why are we texting we are all in the same enclosed space right next to eachother tf

 **podge:** fuck u 

**podge:** fine i will casually start a conversation

 

"HOW LONG IS THIS SHITTY CAR RIDE?" Pidge shouts.

"Pidge no." Hunk sighs.

Allura checks her phone. 

"Just um, two hours left."

"TWO HOURS?!" Everyone in the back cries incredulously.

"I'm going to die." Keith states while throwing his head back, defeated.

"STOP BEING EMO KEITH," Pidge screams, even though they can all hear her just fine.

"My uh, fucking legs? They are this close," Keith twists to face Pidge, and smashes his index finger and thumb together, "from falling off."

"Oh please, stop being dramatic Keith." Lance chuckles. Keith's breath hitches in his throat. Lance didn't notice however, because he started eagerly tapping on his phone.

 

_lancelot >> podge_

**lancelot:** podge podge podge

 **podge:** lonce lonce lonce

 **lancelot:** listen listen listen

 **podge:** what what what

 **lancelot:** after careful observation keith is sitting on his phone call him so that when it vibrates he nuts

 **podge:** omg were u staring at his ass

 **lancelot:** leave me alonejust do it

 **podge:** why cant u call him

 **lancelot:** bcs my ringtone is teenage dream on his phone and yours is automatically vibrate bcs u call him in the middle of the night and he doesn't wanna wake up

 **podge:** honesly? betrayed.

 **lancelot:** do it like, multiple times

 **podge:** ok satan

 **lancelot:** thats a compliment

 **podge:** sure lance

 

"WHAT THE FUCK." Keith jolts upright, arching his back against the seat.

"HAHAHHAHA, BITCH." Lance practically screams with laughter.

"I hate you guys so much." Keith whacks Lance's feet playfully. Warmth spreads all the way to Lance's fingertips but he ignores it.

The rest of the ride passes by in silence, with only a couple of shrieks from Pidge about the wind and a few couple of debates about aliens.

"Okay no. I'm just saying the possibilities are too big for there not to be life out there, you know what I'm saying?" Keith argues, unsuccessfully trying to shove Lance's feet off.

"Okay buddy, but the math says that we are actually ahead of the game like aliens will exist like in a trillion years." Hunk counters, head between the two middle seats.

"Hmmm, yeah I think I agree with Keith. Like space is too big for us to really be alone right? Like - like it's too fucking ginormous for the earth to be the only planet with life when there is like, billions of planets right?" Lance ponders,  returning his feet to Keith's lap.

"But what if we are really alone. It just us in the entire universe. What if there is absolutely nothing out there? Every time we set a probe out we don't find anything right? Maybe it's just time to keep ourselves down to earth," Shiro suggests, taking a left turn.

"CONSIDER THIS! FUCK YOU ALIENS ARE REAL!" Pidge shouts.

"Bruh," Lance sighs. "Shiro done closed the window like, half an hour ago."

"Oops, my bad." Pidge smiles fakely.

Allura turns around to face them.

"Stop arguing guys, we're here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is appreciated please


	10. spring break: part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancelot: fuck you why whore
> 
> pribcess: because fuck you thats why assface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10th longer chapter for yall <<<333 (say hi to high keith)
> 
> ok so my instagram is @snappy.snails  
> ill post sneak peeks, maybe some backstories and headcanons for the characters if yall want it, and updates on when i will update ;), and also some deleted chapter parts :)))))

"Okay, so we have eight bedrooms, so we can either all have separate rooms, or you can pair up," Coran explains, as he gives them a tour around the house.

"PAIR." All of them vote, except for Keith who simply rolls his eyes.

"Okay, so obviously I'll have my room, and Allura will share her room with Pidge. Next, we will have Shiro and Keith in the third room, and then Hunk and Lance." Coran informs them, as he twirls his mustache.

"Ayyyy." Lance high-fives Hunk, and proceeds to begin a very long intricate handshake. _Over, under, around, stand up, twirl, cha cha, and end in a dramatic dip.  
_

"Oh my god, please delete yourselves," Pidge says from the floor, where they sit, exhausted from the painful car ride.

"Okay Allura, show Pidge to your room, and uh, I'll show the rest of the gang where their rooms are," Coran says, clapping his hands.

____________________________________

Lance and Hunk walk up their directed stairs, lugging their bags. As they walk where Coran directed them, they stare in awe at the impossibly high ceilings and the elegant paintings hung on the faultless walls. They wander the fancy hallways, Lance dragging his fingertips over the wallpaper until they find their designated room.

"This is it." Lance opens the door and is immediately welcomed with a fresh beachy scent. "Smells like home."

Hunk hums in agreement. "Goddamn. This skylight is real nice," Hunk notes as they walk into their room. It's huge. Goddamn.

"I claim this bed because it's blue." Lance leaps onto one of the two beds, and it groans under his weight. He strikes a provocative, racy pose. "Just like my sparkling, sexy eyes," he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Ugh, shut up." Hunk groans, setting his suitcase on his bed, but his mouth twitches with the beginnings of a smile.

Lance plops down onto his bed, and pulls out his phone.

"Aren't you going to unpack?"

"Nah, I will later," Lance drums his feet against the mattress. He checked his text messages.

_pribcess >> lancelot_

**pribcess:** come downstairs slut

 **lancelot:** aww i thought you died,,,, too bad

 **pribcess:** i was hoping you wouldn't respond so i wouldnt have to talk to you

 **lancelot:** i hate u nasty

 **pribcess:** i hate you too come downstairs

 **lancelot:** fuck you why whore

 **pribcess:** because fuck you thats why assface

 **pribcess:** anyway im making drinks what do u want

 **lancelot:** !!! BBBB ILY  <3

 **pribcess:** i love u too bb what drink u want

 **lancelot:** im thinking a havana locooooo

 **pribcess:** something more classy tho

 **lancelot:** what drink did pidge say

 **pribcess:** shes like 4 she doesnt know what alcohol is

 **lancelot:** hmmm

 

_lancelot >> podge_

**lancelot:** what alcoholic drink is your fave little small child

 **podge:** either an amaretto sour or mint julep

 **lancelot:** this little small child,, is not so little nor small

 **lancelot:** do u even know what thos dranks are

 **podge:** yes slut

 **podge:** im also impartial to old fashioned

 **lancelot:** something classy

 **podge:** a bellini its the most classy cocktail ever

 

_lancelot >> pribcess_

**lancelot:** bellinis

 **pribcess:** ok mean bitch that sounds good

 **lancelot:** fuck u puta madre

 **pribcess:** are we doing this

 **lancelot:** are we

 **pribcess:** INTERNATIONAL STYLE

 **lancelot:** rules. cannot use the same language. no english

 **pribcess:** baise toi 

 **lancelot:** uhhhhh fuckinnnggg uhhhhh fuck u?

 **pribcess:** u lose suckerrrrrr

 **lancelot:** : (

 **lancelot:** ok when pidge does it she gets a big hug and i get left on read ?

 **pribcess:** just go downstairs

 **lancelot:** fine

 **pribcess:** slut

 **lancelot:** ALLURA

___________________________________

"Who wants some DRANKS?" Allura saunters into the room carrying an ornate tray. They all cheer except for Pidge.

"We've been here for less than an hour and you all are already getting drunk." She shakes her head with an air of resignation.

"Okay, so here's a Bellini for you and you," Allura hands the drinks to Lance and Hunk who accept them eagerly. "And for Pidge we have orange juice in a champagne flute so you don't feel out of place," she hands her the child-friendly drink and then throws herself down on the couch.

"Wow, thanks, I feel so included." Pidge drawls satirically.

"Where's Shiro and Keith?" Hunk wonders, taking tiny sips of his drink.

"Ha, who cares, am I right? We on vacaaaay." Lance downs his drink in one go. He smacks his mouth and grins. "Refill please, princess." He waves his empty glass at an unimpressed Allura.

"Shrivel and die," she paused. "Slut."

"Oh come on." Lance wiggles the glass.

Shiro steps into the room and stretches. "It's so good to not be in a crowded car."

"Did you just insult the Sexerella?" Allura shakes her head with whimsical disappointment.

"Oh god, stop saying that."

"Want a Bellini?" Lance motions toward the tray, almost knocking over the last two drinks.

"Hell yeah." He takes one and places it on the table before sitting down. "These couches are so comfy."

"I knooowwww, I'm this close to _becoming the couch._ " Pidge sinks into the fabric and took a long gulp of her orange juice.

"Where's Keith?" Lance asks casually.

Hunk pauses to grin at him. "Wouldn't you like to know."

Lance chokes and quickly tries to set down his glass before it spilled. He is unsuccessful and it spills all over his lap. _Shit._

"Awwwww, Lance do you like..." Allura leans forward, a knowing smile on her face. Shiro simply looks amused. He grabs the tissue box and sticks his tongue out a Pidge, she flips him off.

Lance composes himself with dignity, well, as much as he can while mopping his legs with tissue paper. "No."

"Oh my god, his face is so red." Pidge laughs, taking another swig.

"I don't like Keith."

"Do you think he's hot?" Pidge drags out mockingly.

Lance had never noticed before how interesting the pattern of the floor was. "Just because he's above average attractiveness-"

"Oh, how attractive is he Lance? Do tell." Hunk leans his chin in his hand, a teasing look in his eyes. Allura and Pidge laugh. Lance backpedals as far as he can.

"No! I'm just saying- ugh- n-no, just because- stop twisting my words," Lance put his head in his hands. To say that Lance felt attacked would be an understatement. He couldn't possibly like Keith out of all people right? Like he isn't as attractive as Allura or as ingenious as Pidge, or as friendly as Hunk or as handsome as Shiro, right? He's just Keith.

"Oh my god, you all are like a suburban mom gossip book club." Shiro laughs.

"That's the end goal, Shiro. That's where we all strive to be." Hunk smothers a laugh with a hand.

"Anyways, about Keith." Allura winks.

"What about me?" Keith slowly strolls through the door and _holy hell Lance is so bi._ Who the hell does Keith think he is to tie his hair into a ponytail and flaunt it in real life? Lance just gapes silently, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. But luckily for him, Pidge steps in to save his sorry ass.

Pidge catches his flustered expression on Lance's face. "Hi Keith, we were just talking about-" Pidge smirks. Never mind Pidge sucks.

"We were talking about how Keith is the worst name to have." Lance blubbers. Pidge stares at him, dumbfounded.

"Wooooow, thanks Lance," Keith says. He turns to Allura."Hey, where's the kitchen I'm starving. Food tastes better when you're high." Keith says bluntly.

_He's starving? What Lance would give to-_

_"_ OH MY GOD. Keith, you're high in my pure, peppy beach home?" Allura laughed incredulously. "Where'd you even get the weed?"

Keith pointed at Pidge.

"W-what, I have no idea what he's talking about." Pidge shuffled.

"Stop thinking gay thoughts." Hunk whispers to him. "Keep the eye-fucking to a minimum." Lance rips his eyes away from Keith sheepishly.

"Yeah, well, the kitchen is just through that door." Allura points.

"Thaaaaanks."

"I'll go with him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. You can talk." Shiro winks at them. _Oh god._

"I'll go too. I need water. All this alcohol isn't good for my young body." Pidge stands up and wobbles.

"I gave you orange juice?" Allura questions, realizing her fault.

"Nah, I secretly switched mine with Keith's because he didn't even drink his." She sidles out the room. "Later nerds."

____________________________________

"Y'all got ice cream?" Keith says, digging through the freezer.

Shiro looks up from the breakfast bar and registers what Keith is asking.

"Keith, you're lactose intolerant, you will DIE." Shiro intervenes, throwing a banana from the fruit bowl at Keith, effectively knocking him down with a single hit. It hits Keith, and he trips from the unexpected impact and slips.

Keith lay wheezing on the ground, a banana on his chest.

"IT REALLY DO BE YOUR OWN PEOPLE," yells Pidge, having found the optimal moment for a meme.

"Shiro, my only family member I have left, turning on me." Keith let out in shaky breaths, a smile threatening to take over his face.

"Stop, we all know you're a sad, lonely orphan," Pidge interjects. "You bring it up, like, every fucking day."

"You can't rip the orphan excuse from me." Keith rolls onto his side, cradling the banana. "I've already had so much taken from me."

"Keith if you fucking-"

"Like my parents." Keith dramatically lifts the banana and fake-stabs himself, and plays dead on the ground, head lolling and tongue out.

"Keith, I swear to god."

"Hey, I heard Keith was looking for some cold snacks- oh my god." Allura walks into the room and notices Keith on the ground. "Bitch me too, the fuck?" She giggles and sits down next to Keith.

"God? That you?" Keith opens one eye and squints.

"Yes, it's me. Ya lord." 

"I heard laughing and I'm tipsy and bored." Lance stumbles in. "God, Keith died."

"Oh my god he fucking dead."

"Stop memeing Pidge." Shiro nudges Pidge, and they fall off their stool. "Oh my god."

"I wanna go swimming, right now." Keith sits up when he noticed Lance. He looks at Shiro, and he understands immediately.

"Hell yeah let's go." Shiro stands up. They left the room, supposedly to get their swimming gear.

The rest of them sit in silence. Pidge scoots her way to where Keith and Allura lay on the ground.

"Is Keith ignoring me?" Lance says, sitting down next to Allura.

"Probably," She admits, averting her eyes. She puts her hands on either side of Lance's face and squishes his cheeks together. "Awwww, poor Lance."

"I just don't want to lose a friend." He mumbles as best he can with his cheeks squished together.

"Yeah, sure Lance," she releases his face.

Silence settles over them again like a blanket.

"Hmm, I just remembered. When they usually swim they don't have shirts on right?" Allura thought aloud, side-eyeing a frozen Lance from the floor.

"Uh, sorry, I gotta leave right now, effective immediately. Goodbye." He speeds out the door.

_lancelot >> thunkahunk_

**lancelot:** broooo lets go swimmingggg

 **thunkahunk:** where r u

 **lancelot:** IM IN OUR ROOM LEsT GOOOOO

 **thunkahunk:** ok okok LET ME GET MY STUFF AND LETS GO

 **lancelot:** whooohooooooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is appreciated yall it is 1 AM ISDFHAOIDF'


	11. spring break: part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancelot: : (
> 
> lancelot: where is my Big Hug™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup yall i have a competition soon and im hella nervous who wants to kill me  
> _________________________________________________  
> instagram: @snappy.snails

Lance ran his hands through his hair with both hands, desperately, because as soon as he stepped outside, he just knew.

Lance was fucked. 

 

_podge >> lancelot_

**podge:** allura wants shirtless pics of shiro

 **podge:** ugli respond

 **podge:** this is why your parents dont love you 

**podge:** this is why i don't love u

 

Hunk came up behind him, carrying their towels. "What's wrong Lance, is the water not the ideal pH for your skin?" He shot Lance a mocking grin.

"No look," says Lance, helplessly motioning to Keith. Shirtless Keith.

"Oh. OH. Goddamn, rest in peace bro."  

Things that were definitely not okay right now.

1\. this

_**2\. this** _

~~**a. this** ~~

  * **b. this**



** c. this**

  1. **3\. this**



Keith sat on the diving board, feet dangling off the edge. Shiro waved at Lance. 

"I feel god in this chili's tonight." He whispered. Hunk laughed and Lance elbowed him. 

"Hey you guys, lets take a hippity hot dip!" Lance slid into the water, remembering ocean water and sunshine, Cuban trees and saltwater. He dunked his head into the water and flipped his hair back."Whoo!"

"Lance you just got your phone wet." Hunk points out, best bro mode activated.

"SHIT! Hold on," Lance quickly wiped his phone with a towel, and typed out a message.

 

_lancelot >> podge, pribcess  
_

**lancelot:** come swimming bb gurls

 **podge:** ok bb boy

 **lancelot:** wheres allura

 **pribcess:** im goin im goin hold on yall want mojitos?

 **lancelot:** hELL YEAH we just drank BUT HELL YEAH

 **podge:** what does corn think bout you using all his expensive alcohol to make fancy drinks

 **pribcess:** what crazy teens we are, drinking every day

 **lancelot:** we are all yung adults

 **lancelot:** ur like 26 allura tho

 **pribcess:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i wont take slander in my own house, my own lawn, my own kitchen, my own bathroom, my own bedroom, my own porch, my own pool, my own roof, my own floor, my own closet, my own hallway, my own guest room, my own living room, my own movie room, my own basement, my own second bathroom, my own cupboard, my own oven, my own desk, my own coffee maker, my own couch, my own carpet,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 **podge:** hi yeah shut up allura

 **podge:** i forgot how fun it was to use a cocktail shaker yall

 **podge:** a cocktail shaker is just an adult maraca

 **lancelot:** hurry up yall go to the pooLLL

 **podge:** im helping allura make drinks I'm allowed 2 drinks a day now after some,,,,,, persuasion

 **pribcess:** i almost didn't break,,, im as strong as a rock

 **podge:** i didn't even ask i just looked at you and you started crying and gave me a bottle of vodka which i did not drink just so u kno

 **lancelot:** i thot she was only allowed 2 drinks

 **pribcess:** and no more or else ill Beat Ur Ass™

 **podge:** : (

 **pribcess:** i mean ill give u a Big Hug™

 **lancelot:** : (

 **lancelot:** where is my Big Hug™

 **pribcess:** he left for a permanant vacation in the bahamas

 **podge:** u're all whipped for me

 **lancelot:** what the fuck did u just grammarize "u"

 **pribcess:**........u're

 

"MOJITOOOO," Allura stuck the tray in front of Lance's face. 

"Whoa!" He whistles. "Those look good." He took one and sipped through a straw. "You've done it again Allura. Slut."

"Slut." She responds, setting the tray down on a side table. Lance hears a loud splash and sees that Keith has jumped off the board, into the water.

"Allura! Can I dive?" He gestures to the diving board.

"No, but you can die." She offers, fake smile on her face.

Lance climbed the rungs of the ladder to the diving board. He slowly walked his way to the edge. "Oh my god! Pidge can we do the scene from The Office?"

"No. Absolutely not."

"Come on." He stuck his tongue out. "Please. Please please please."

"Fine, I hate you. Just so you know." She shakes her head. "Go."

"My life! Oh, my life..." Lance starts, hand on his forehead dramatically.

"Blah, blah, blah," Pidge states, monotone.

"Lance, what's wrong?" Hunk chirps.

"Everything's wrong...the stress of my modern life has caused me to go into a depression." He quotes, bouncing slightly on the board.

"Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?" Hunk continues.

"Pidge, you ignorant slut." He grins. "I just wanted to call you a slut, thanks." He jumps, whooping, splashing into the water and getting Keith wet.

"God, Lance," he says, rubbing his face with a towel. "I was almost dry."

"Just like your personality," Lance whispers under his breath.

"What?"

"Oh come on, my emo friend. Pools are made for wetness. Water is wet. Enjoy it."

"Water ain't wet," Keith grumbles.

"It. Is?" Lance says, all attention on Keith.

"No, it's only wet because you perceive it as wet. When it's by itself, water itself is not wet." Keith argues, Texan accent slipping out.

"What the fuck?" Lance says incredulously. "Pidge is this true?"

They nod.

"The Fuck?" Lance climbs out of the pool, and grabs his phone.

Lance sees Shiro on his phone, and shoots him a text.

 

_lancelot >> daddy_

**lancelot:** how's ur tanning going dad

 **daddy:** good

 **lancelot:** wheres ur puntuation

 **daddy:** pidge taught me all the memes and i will never be the same

 **lancelot:** god  
 ****

 **lancelot:** wheres ur armdad  
 ****

 **lancelot:** did u forget it

 **daddy:** nah it cant be in water

 **lancelot:** oh

 **daddy:** oh yeah i just left my entire right arm on my bedstand and went through the whole morning without an arm!

 **lancelot:** separate yourself from ur salt dad, evaporate....

 **daddy:** son

 **lancelot:** dad

 **daddy:** son

 **lancelot:** daddy

 **lancelot:** ;)

 **daddy:** End Yourself

 **lancelot:** why is ur name daddy then

 **daddy:** u changed it and wont tell me how to change it back

 **lancelot:** this bitch,,, in the military and yet aint know how to use a phone

 **daddy:**...What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

 **lancelot:** do you just keep that on copy paste at all times

 **daddy:** ,,,,,,,,,,ur gay

 **lancelot:** this is homophobic !

 **lancelot:** you homophobitch!

 **daddy:** lance, stop being a THOT

 **lancelot:** im NOT A THOT

 **daddy:**   BEGONE T H O T

 **podge:** bēgœñę thõt

 **lancelot:** pidge this is a private chat

 **podge:** my bad

 **daddy:** hm  
 ****

 **lancelot:** hm  
 ****

 **daddy:** hm

 **lancelot:** hm

 **daddy:** hm

 **lancelot:** hm

 **daddy:** hm

 **lancelot:** hm

 **daddy:** hm

 **lancelot:** hm

 **daddy:** feel like they're still watching

 **lancelot:** hm'st've

 **podge:** damn right i am

 **podge:** ill leave now

 **lancelot:** so hows allura

 **lancelot:** shiro

 **lancelot:** dad

 **lancelot:** did u block me

 **lancelot:** SHIRO

 **podge:** hes gone son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback hy'all thanks
> 
> have yall noticed ive been rewatching the office


	12. spring break: nite tiem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> podge: me, licking a bottle of melatonin: mmm my sweet sleepy boys
> 
> thunkahunk: sleppy mans'th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all groupchat chapter for yall
> 
> instagram: @snappy.snails

_lancelot >>  **shiro will die alone**_

**lancelot:** this was a good first day yall

 **podge:** it is 2 am lance

 **kryptid:** why r u awake 

**lancelot:** y are u awake

 **podge:** u thot

 **kryptid:** i cannot sleep yall

 **lancelot:** why why

 **kryptid:** didn't pack my sleeping pills

 **lancelot:** i got some come over

 **podge:** ;)))))

 **lancelot:** never mind keith stay right where u are

 **kryptid:** noted

 **pribcess:** QUIET DOWN YALL 

**lancelot:** just mute us dick

 **pribcess:** i gotta keep up with this keith sleeping pill debacle

 **podge:** me, licking a bottle of melatonin: mmm my sweet sleepy boys

 **thunkahunk:** sleppy mans'th

 **lancelot:** where's shiro

 **kryptid:** he is fast asleep

 **pribcess:** ,,,,, a sleppy mans'th

 **lancelot:** ah ah ah ah staying alive staying alive

 **pribcess:** ah ah ah ah staying alive stayign alive

 **podge:** u can tell by the way i use my walk

 **thunkahunk:** im a womans man no time to talk

 **kryptid:** music loud and women warm

 **lancelot:** that was the wrong chat but i appreciate ur backup vocals

 **thunkahunk** lance u have other friendz?????

 **podge:** lance has friends???

 **kryptid:** r we even lances friends

 **thunkahunk:** lance doesn't have friends

 **lancelot:** stop i have friends

 **lancelot:** i have multitudes

 **podge:** i dont trust this lance

 **thunkahunk:** name ur friends lance

 **lancelot:** my gorls 

**pribcess:** THEM GIRLS!

 **lancelot:** allura is part of the GIRLS SHE UNDERSTANDS

 **pribcess:** deM GIRLS

 **podge:** whomstvestve

 **pribcess:** NYMA ! EZOR! ACXA! NARTI! ZETHY! ME! LANCE!

 **kryptid:** where does lance fit into all this

 **kryptid:** does he deserve to be in that group

 **lancelot:** yes

 **pribcess:** he was added by accident but he wont leave

 **lancelot:** die?

 **podge:** i bet lance is always flirting with them

 **thunkahunk:** honestly yah

 **lancelot:** i am bestest friends with all of them, i would never...... ever.................i drank my respect women juice today,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,my fave flavour,,,,,,,,respect............no bone hurting juice rn,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,only respect women water................. 

**pribcess:** what about nyma lmao

 **lancelot:** we dont talk about me n nyma

 **pribcess:** lmao

 **kryptid:** whos nyma

 **podge:** keith drunk some jealousy molk

 **pribcess:** nyma is nice n cute tho

 **thunkahunk:** lance isnt she the chick who tied you to a tree and threw ur phone down a gutter so u couldnt call anyone

 **pribcess:** ,,,,,,,shes also very resourceful

 **lancelot:** ...

 **lancelot:** still pretty cute girl tho

 **pribcess:** goddamn u rite

 **lancelot:** bi squad rolling deep

 **pribcess:** ayyyyy

 **lancelot:** ayyyyyy

 

_corn >> pribcess_

**corn:** i hear the faint sound of people yelling ehhhh should i be concerned

 **pribcess:** not at all uncle funcle

 **pribcess:** isss allll ggggg

 **corn:** okie dokie

 

_pribcess >> **shiro will die alone**_

**pribcess:** corn is concerned

 **pribcess:** corncened

 **pribcess:** concorned

 **pribcess:** corn corned

 **pribcess:** corn

 **thunkahunk:** A Valiant Effort™

 **lancelot:** i guess you tried

 **kryptid:** whos nyma

 **podge:** ......lmao

 **daddy:** ohhhhhhh nyma oh yeah

 **daddy:** shes nice

 **lancelot:** i know right

_daddy added nyma_

**nyma:** what's this

 **lancelot:** nyma bb

 **nyma:** lance! what is thsi !

 **lancelot:** it's dem boys

 **nyma:** ur a dem boy

 **lancelot:** more of a man really ;)

 **nyma:** oh shut up

 

_podge >>kryptid_

**podge:** how do u feel keeth

 **kryptid:** i feel nothing pitch

 **podge:** u sure

 **kryptid:** y dont he like me podge

 **podge:** might be bcs u call me podge

 

_pribcess >> **shiro will die alone**_

**pribcess:** yo nyma

 **nyma:** sup bih

 **lancelot:** nyma sweaty why are u up at uhhhh

 **lancelot:** 2:28 am

 **nyma:** i am not tired

 **kryptid:** me too 

 **podge:** again... me licking my sleepy boys

 **nyma:** hi whom youm

 **kryptid:** hi im keith nice to meet u

 **nyma:** hi keiht

 **nyma:** wait

 **nyma:** aHYDFOASIDFIAOSJF 

**nyma:** lance is this the same keith

 **nyma:** ,':)  

**lancelot:** nyma stfu right fuckign now u sL U T

 **nyma:** god fine bih

 **thunkahunk:** *Offers You A Capri Sun From A Raggedy Old Power Rangers Backpack*

 **nyma:** hi hi uhuhhhhhh hunk?

 **thunkahunk:** hi nymo

 **nyma:** sup h0nK

 **daddy:** nyma whats up

 **nyma:** hello shirhoe  dont slut up alluras house

 **daddy:** charming as ever

 **kryptid:** fycjjkkkk 

**nyma:** keithhhhhhhh

 **nyma:** ,':)

 **daddy:** why can't you do a normal fucking winky face 

**nyma:** ,':) LANNNNCCCEEEE

 **lancelot:** I'M BEING FUCKING BULLIED!!! THIS IS GOTDAM BULLYING!

 **nyma:** ,,,''''''::::::))))))))))))))))) 

**kryptid:** whats the secret

 **nyma:** ,,,,,,,'''''''':::::::::::::))))))))))))))

 **daddy:** big oof

_lancelot removed nyma_

**thunkahunk:** well well well ,,,,,,,,, how the turntables _  
_

**lancelot:** g o o d b y e  t h o t

 **podge:** i fell asleep for one second and i wake up to lance saying goodbye thot

 **lancelot:** the perfect awakening

 **pribcess:** get woke thot

 **daddy:** kids what r we doing tomorrow ?

 **lancelot:** what will we D O

 **pribcess:** im thinking........................................................... movie night

 **podge:** but what are we gonna do in the d a y time

 **pribcess:** movie day

 **podge:** allura u binch

 **daddy:** im thinkingnngngngnggngggggg

 **lancelot:** uhhh pibnic 

**thunkahunk:** pICNIC

 **podge:** thiccnicc

 **kryptid:** ,,,,, im going to sleep u succ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback yall is very much appreciated! <333


	13. spring break: movie nite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancelot changed name to jance
> 
> kryptid changed name to jeith
> 
> jeith: why are we doing htis
> 
> daddy changed name to jhiro
> 
> pribcess changed name to jallura
> 
> thunkahunk changed name to junk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup yall ok i've been planning this one chapter for so long like since the beginning of this fic and i cannot wait to post it but i have to like wait for like 3 more chapters sidfhasidhfadf BU OHHHH MY GOD THANKS FOR 2000 HITS
> 
> insta: @snappy.snails  
> if yall wanna dm me there and become friend i AM NOT OPPOSED AT ALL

_lancelot >>  **shiro will die alone**_

**lancelot:** GET WOKE THOTS! TIME TO VORE BREAKFAST

 **podge:** what language is that

 **lancelot:** get woke

 **thunkahunk:** lance STOP

 **podge:** stop him

 **daddy:** death and pestilence upon you

 **pribcess:** did u make breakfast thot

 **lancelot:** yes

 **lancelot:** its classy and beautiful

 **kryptid:** i seriously doubt that

 **lancelot:** u bitch just come downstairs

 **podge:** for the record lance sucks at cooking

 **lancelot:** ,,,,,,,,,,when u say taht u're fine but u're not reallly fine but you jtust cnantn get itno it bcs they woudl nev r uhndersdatn

____________________________________

 

"How are half defrosted Eggos a classy breakfast?" Allura says, prodding a damp waffle with a fork.

"Your toaster is so weird. It's like horizontal." He says, pointing to a toaster oven. "It's so _blehhh_." Lance shakes his head in disgust.

"A toaster oven?" Allura raises her eyebrow. "The superior kitchen device?"

"Oh god breakfast. I'm so ready." Pidge shuffles into the room and grabs a waffle.

"Vore it." Lance says. "Just vore it. Just vore it. Vore it, vore it, vore it, vore it," he chants, getting louder and louder.

"Stop saying VORE!" Pidge yells. They pretend to throw a waffle at Lance.

"Oh silly Pidge, waffles aren't a real weapon," Lance mocks, flipping them off.

"Waffle! Mud shot!" They throw a waffle at Lance and it falls to the ground with an audible splat.

"Bitch, you thought." Lance takes a step and promptly slips on the half frozen waffle and falls onto the ground, elbows hitting the ground painfully. "OW motherfucker."

Shiro walked in, and spotted Lance on the ground, waffle next to him. "Oh god. Not again." He sat down at the table, next to Allura. Pidge and Hunk shared a _look_. Shiro poured some maple syrup on his waffle, and cut off a piece and took a bite and spit it across the table.

"Why is this waffle made out of ICE." He splutters.

"Ice ice babby," Allura snaps a waffle in half.

"Bronkfonst," Pidge says.

Hunk walks into the room, rubbing his eyes when he sees the waffles. "Ohhhh mmyyyy gooodddd." He waved his arms at the waffles. "What are those."

"What are thooooseeee."

"Shut up Pidge. These waffles are horrendous. No. Stop. Disgusting."

"The only breakfast I need... is xanax," Shiro stares into the distance, Vietnam flashbacks in his eyes.

____________________________________

_lancelot >> **shiro will die alone**_

**lancelot:** jorts,,,,,

_podge changed name to jidge_

**jidge:** come on guys

_lancelot changed name to jance_

_kryptid changed name to jeith_

**jeith:** why are we doing htis

_daddy changed name to jhiro_

_pribcess changed name to jallura_

_thunkahunk changed name to junk_

**junk:** FUDHAUFOH WHY IS MY NAME JUNK I HATE THIS

 **jance:** OADHFOIADHF JUNK

 **jallura:** lMA0 JUNK THATS SO TRAGIC

 **jidge:** alkdfaidof THUNKA J U N K

 **junk:** i will roundhouse spinning heel kick backflip karate chop all of you

 **jance:** i wore double denim to my 7th grade dance and all the ladies loved me

 **jallura:** throw away ursefl

 **jidge:** throw away your whole family

 **junk:** you gotta destroy the entire ancestry.com now

 **jeith:** this is so confusing return back to yall normal names

_jeith changed name to kryptid_

**kryptid:** bitch

_jance changed name to lancelot_

_jallura changed name to pribcess_

_jhiro changed name to daddy_

_junk changed name to thunkahunk_

**jidge:** no never

 **pribcess:** chaotic evil

 **lancelot:** feel like im chaotic good

 **shiro:** i am true neutral

 **thunkahunk:** lawful neutral

 **kryptid:** lawful evil

 **pribcess:** i am lawful good ((:::

 **lancelot:** lies make u go to hell susan

 **pribcess:** helen youre gay

 **lancelot:** ,,,,,my son jimothy vaped once......

 **jidge:** u have a son???

 **lancelot:** not anymore sharon i took care of it

 **daddy:** allura youre chaotic neutral

 **pribcess:** when have i done anything wrong ever in my life ever anything wrong in my life wrong ever life anything wrong done my ever when life

 **lancelot:** February 7, 2014 5:34:52 PM "saw my professor crossing the road and everythign inside me urged me to just slam the gas pedal and run him tf over and it took the willpower of 20 gods from every religion to stop me from committing 7th degree murder" - Allura Altea

 **kryptid:** October 31, 2015 8:13:49 PM "LMAOO YALL this kid came to my door and he was like trick or treat and he had a rlly scary costume and i threw a snicker sbar at him with full force and screamed i think the fuck not u trick ass bitch and he started crying and i slammed hte door in his face" - Allura Altea

 **jidge:** April 1, 2017 3:24:38 AM "yall're gay hahha pranCCED" -Allura Altea

 **daddy:** well well well how the .....................................................turn tables

 **pribcess:** thats the last thing you see before you die

 **lancelot:** before u die,,,,,,ur brain releases a bunch of endorphins.,,,,,,

 **thunkahunk:** lets START OUR MOVIE MARATHON

 **pribcess:** yes BINCH!

____________________________________

"What movie should we watch?" Allura says cheerfully from the front of the room, in front of the TV.

_"Oh my GOD."  Lance had exclaimed. "How the fuck did you afford a 90 inch plasma TV?!"_

_"It be like dat sometimes."  
_

They all shrug nonchalantly. They all sit on various cushions and pillows on the ground, all snuggled in blankets and surrounded by multiple bowls of popcorn, pizza, and boxes of doughnuts.

"Fine, thots, what genre should we watch and then we'll go from there."

"Rom-com." Hunk says immediately, perking up in his seat.

"Nature documentary." says Shiro, and everyone groans in response.

"Porn," Lance wiggles his eyebrows.

"The exit is there Lance," Allura points at the door, a stern look on her face, but her eyes smiling.

"Sci-fi." Pidge suggests, wrapped in a blanket like a burrito.

"No. Conspiracy theories." Keith adds, leaning back onto a cushion and crossing his legs.

"All 'a y'all suck." Allura announces. "This is why we can never have movie nights. This is why Shiro lost his arm."

They all choke, and Shiro shrugs and smiles.

"It's often..." He starts.

"No, stop please," A chorus of dissent and protest arises. Pidge throws a pillow at him.

**_"Disarming."_ **

"Once again, the exits." Allura points and giggles.

"Titanic." Lance says loudly, all of a sudden. "Titanic. It's perfect."

"God," Shiro says, already regretting this vacation.

"Okay, so who votes for Titanic." says Allura and four hands go up.

"KEITH!" Lance exclaims. "Put your hand up!." He grabs Keith's hand and lifts it into the air. "Keith is voting. This is a win. I love capitalism."

"I thought you were a communist Lance," Hunk says, poking Lance. Lance gives him a defeated look and lets his hands drop.

Keith is painfully aware that Lance's hand is still intertwined with his.

So is Lance.

___________________________

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. The scene is coming. Who wants to be Jack." Lance jumps up. Nobody moves. "Pidge you will be Jack."

"I think I'll find that I won't," they responded, throwing a piece of popcorn at Lance, who catches it in his mouth.

"Shiro." He points, chewing victoriously. "Wrap your strong arms around me," he wraps his own arms around himself and rocks back and forth, a hopeful look on his face

"I would rather wrap a noose around my-"

"Stop your depression." Pidge throws popcorn at Shiro, who catches it in his mouth.

"That's how I catch my antidepressants," Shiro says, chomping down on the popcorn with an audible crunch.

"Depression. Stop."

"Thanks Pidge! I am cured. Let me just toss my citalopram down the drain. Let me just fucking toss it into the garbage. Let me just burn it. Let me just take a tractor and run over it. Let me-"

"Did somebody say tractor?" Keith whips his head around, flashbacks of country life flying through his eyes.

"Country boooyy, I looove youuu," Allura sings.

"Hunk. Please." Lance gets on his knees. "Please. It's coming really soon. Please."

"I don't know Lance. I have Pidge's head on my legs and I'm really comfortable."

"Allura! Princess. Queen. Majesty. Highness. Royalty. Please."

"Can I be Rose?" She raises her hand.

"No! I'm Rose! I have to be Rose!"

"No then."

"Keith. Please. It's gonna happen like in 20 seconds."

"Do it Keith, then he'll finally shut the fuck up." Shiro says, prodding Allura and giving her a _look._

"Fine." Keith uncrossed his legs.

"Shhh. Gimme your hand." Lance extends his hand and Keith takes it, groaning loudly. The rest of them clap politely.

"Now close your eyes." Lance says, laughter bubbling up in his throat. "Go on," he says at the exact time as the movie.

"Why do you have this memorized," Allura throws popcorn at them, and Pidge joins in.

"Stop bitch. You're making it snow popcorn. It doesn't snow on the titanic. It isn't even cold."

"The iceberg would disagree." Shiro says, depressingly, as he does when he's depressed, which is often.

"StOP IM GONNA MISS IT." Lance guides Keith, whose eyes are closed and gets him to step up onto a cushion.

"Say it Keith."

"I'm flying Jack," Keith says, monotone. Lance rolls his eyes.

"Now y'all make out." Allura calls out.

"Nope." Lance responds, pushing Keith off the cushion, who stumbles and falls into a pile of cushions, not expecting the sudden push. He lands in the popcorn, and tosses a handful at Lance, who catches some in his mouth, chews and winks at Keith, who covers his face with a pillow to hide a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup thots,,,,,,,,,,, feedback is always appreciated


	14. spring break: clubb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancelot: what kind of shots do you want
> 
> podge: tequila
> 
> lancelot: that answer was so fast what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yah sorry i didnt update,,, like 3/4 of a person left a hate comment and i got rlly insecure about my plot writing abilities and i like tried to make this chapter perfect but then i was like yah whatever its christmas eve fuck u random person eat a cactus i post what i fuckign want! so here u go boys please leave feedback i wanna make these chapters as best as possible!

"Should we go clubbing tonight?"  Allura had said that morning, absentmindedly scrolling on her phone. "I know a place close by."

"Oh, definitely," Lance said, slamming a glass of orange juice down on the table, it toppling over and spilling all over his lap.

____________________________________

Currently, they were all waiting in a line outside the club, waiting in the freezing cold. Allura has glitter on her cheekbones and her hair in a french braid, the only one looking decent. The rest of them just stood in normal clothes, feeling mundane next to Allura. The street lights are on and cars zoom by, headlights and warm breaths in nighttime air.

Lance is fucking freezing because he left his jacket on the couch.

"Where's your jacket?" Keith said, perfectly warm, as Lance hops around on his feets, trying to keep his body in motion.

"I miscalculated the weather," Lance shivers, rocking forward on his tiptoes.

"Miscalculated?" Shiro raises his eyebrow, stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"OW!" Pidge screeches from under the trenchcoat. "YOU JABBED MY RIBS."

"Shhh Pidge," Hunk pats the front of Shiro's coat, and Shiro smiles awkwardly at the staring people around him.

"Guys! We're almost at the front of the line," Allura hushes them and fixes her hair.

The bouncer checks all their IDs and lets them in one by one, unknowing that Pidge snuck in under Shiro's trenchcoat.

They walk apprehensively into the club, and sound echoes off the walls, reverberating through Keith's brain. Keith feels incredibly cramped under lights and noises, voices and bodies twisting together chaotically but Pidge crawls out from under the jacket and grabs his hand. Hunk holds his other hand and they act like twin anchors and they make their way to a booth. They all plop down, relieved for the warm air.

"Whoo!" Allura exclaims, slapping her hands on the table. "I'm gonna dance. Whom wanna go?" She grabs a reluctant Shiro. "Be safe guys!" Allura drags Shiro onto the dance floor, holding hands and creating their own little bubble in the sea of people.

"Shots on me," Hunk stands up. "Pidge you want one?"

"Yup."

Lance sits next to Keith, cap in his hand, tapping a fast, unfamiliar rhythm on it, getting faster and faster until it stops suddenly.

"I'm gonna get a drink," he stands, slapping his cap onto his head, and saunters away, shimmying his way through writing bodies to the bar. Pidge is uncharacteristically silent.

"Gonna join him?" Pidge pipes up, nudging Keith.

"Oh shut up," Keith nudges back. "Why would I?"

"He's your friend."

"I don't like him or anything," Keith frowns.

"I never brought any _liking_ up." Pidge sticks their tongue out.

"SHOTS," Hunk sets some glasses gingerly on their table. Pidge grabs one and sips it tentatively, whereas Keith drains one and slams the empty glass on the table before grabbing another.

"I'm going to dance," Keith says before stalking off, hoping to find some hot eye candy to take his mind off of Lance's idiotic grin. (And his blue eyes and his arms and his hair and his laugh.)

"They're both so stupid," Hunk remarks to Pidge, eyeing a lonely Lance at the bar and an alone Keith on the dancefloor.

___________________________________

"An americano, please," Lance asks, draping himself over the counter and handing over cash, looking for a chill night, no blacking out, and no drunk mistakes. A bartender nods and starts prepping his drink, casting furtive glances at Lance out of the corner of his eye. He hands Lance the drink.

"Thanks."

Lance sips his drink slowly, watching Keith stumble and stupidly (endearingly) dance his way over to the bar, and Lance laughs at him, and feels a small fire kindle inside him, burning his insides. Lance ignored it, and downed the rest of his drink, giving up on his low-alcohol plans, hoping to drown that tiny, triumphant flame. So much for his "chill night."

"Hey, long island ice teas please," he says to the bartender, holding up two fingers, then handing over his credit card. "Just fuck me up," he whispers to himself and continues watching Keith make a damn fool out of himself.

The bartender leaves the drinks on the counter and leans over.

"Hi, how would you feel about some shots?" He whispers flirtatiously. Lance whips around and realizes what's happening. "On me," the bartender says again.

"Can I get a name first?" Lance twirls his straw around his thumb, voice lowering, sweet and sultry.

"Rolo," he says, making another drink. "Yours?"

"Mcclain. Lance Mcclain."

"James Bond. Nice. So what kind of shots are you thinking about?"

"Hmm, let me think," Lance reciprocates playfully. He glances at his phone. "Hold on."

 

_lancelot >> podge_

**lancelot:** what kind of shots do you want

 **podge:** tequila

 **lancelot:** that answer was so fast what

 **podge:** im crazy

 **lancelot:** Krazy Gloo

 

"How about some tequila?" He tells the bartender, coquettish flairs flying off his words.

"On it," the bartender says, lining the glasses up. Lance slides a tip to him and takes a quick sip of his ice tea, extinguishing the little fire in his heart. He spots Keith wandering around the edge of the dance floor, lost and confused. "KEITH!" He waves Keith over.

"Hi," Lance hands him the drink. Keith takes a glance at the drink and raises an eyebrow.

"You trying to get smashed?" He questions, voice slurring but still taking it out of his hand. Lance smiles, lifting his glass and clinking it against Keith's. He takes a long gulp and smiles, wincing, then taking a longer drink.

"Ugh, you're so trashy," Keith huffs, a few stray pieces of hair sticking up.

"God that's heavy stuff." Lance grimaces. "I went to a bar once, and their drinks were so strong. So strong. I remember I went to the bar right? I just want a drink and there's this cute girl sitting here, so obviously I buy her a drink-" Lance starts to get sidetracked.

Keith leans his head on his hand, listening to Lance ramble, slowly sipping his drink, watching Lance use his free hand to make all sorts of gestures, and his eyes lighting up at how the girl gave him her number and watching him take a long, long gulp after explaining how she left him stranded at the club after promising him a ride.

"You're funny," he slurs out, feeling too buzzed to care about what slips out of his mouth. "How do you talk so much? Without getting worried?"

"Why would I get worried?" Lance says, confused, halting his story.

"If you're being annoying," Keith states, fingers tapping on his glass.

"Am I being annoying?" Lance asks, genuinely worried if he talked Keith's head off.

"N-no! I like it when you talk. It's...cute." Keith keeps his eyes fixated on the line of tequila shots the bartender left on the counter. _Goddamn it._ Lance stayed silent.

"Christ, you're something else, aren't you," Lance finally replies, smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, before pulling off his cap and placing the snap-back onto Keith's head, letting the ends of his hair peek out from under the hat.

"Not really." Keith pulls the hat more securely onto his head and sits up. Lance leans in. Keith almost dies of _cardiac arrest._

"Beep. Incorrect," Lance counters and taps his nose. "But hey, do you wanna do something fun?" Lance says in his ear, voice quiet, still leaning in, electricity crackling between the two boys.

"Depends," Keith says, looking down at the floor. "What sort of something?" He looks up at Lance through his eyelashes.

"Oh, come on, don't make that face." Lance punches his arm playfully, a small smile toying on his lips. "That face can hurt a man." He slaps a hand across his chest, faking pain. The lights change.

"What face?" Keith says, focusing on the upturned corners of Lance's mouth.

"This face." Lance flutters his eyelashes, eyes darkening dangerously, storm clouds filling the room around them, like poured water.

Keith pushes his arm playfully. Lance returns to normal, eyes widening and grinning.

"You're such a nerd." Keith smiles, a sun peeking out from behind the dark storm clouds.

____________________________________

And so here they are, Lance swings a beer bottle around in his hand, beer splashing out, leaving big dark splotches on the pavement. Lance leans cooly against the cold brick wall of the club, tipping the bottle and taking small sips of beer. Keith stands across the sidewalk from him, hands in pockets, slightly chilly but safe under the carefully placed trees. Lance tilts his head, asking Keith a silent question, and they both start walking, listening to night sounds.

And so here they are, walking in silence, passing yellow streetlights and intersections. Keith can't help but notice Lance's steps becoming faster, and he reciprocates until his eyes catch Lance's and he breaks into a sprint.

And so here they are, stumbling on the sidewalks, running, leaning forward, wind in their hair and in their eyes. Keith whoops, tired of waiting for cracked sidewalks to end so he careens onto the deserted road. Lance follows with a hoot, and he trips over the curb and scrambles onto the ground. Groaning, he sits up, rubbing his scraped knee through his ripped jeans. Keith walks back to the curb, and sits next to Lance, watching the empty sky. Lance leans back next to him and it's silent and peaceful, eager eyes searching the sky for a star, a blink of beauty in this loud, unforgiving world.

"Here we are," Lance says, unable to pick out constellations in the dark sky.

"Yeah."

"Can I say something?"

"Go ahead," Keith mumbles, exhilaration running through his fingers.

"You know, you're one of my best friends, right? I don't say it enough to you." Lance keeps his eyes firmly fixated on the sky, determined to not make eye contact with Keith.

"I know. You're one of my best friends too." Keith whispers, heart pounding.

He paused.

"Just friends?" He nervously asks, determined to break the silence that hung above them like glass.

"Oh come on." Lance laughs. They lapse into a comfortable silence, and with occasional splashes of puddles, flickering lights, and smoke in the air, he speaks.

"Love you man."

"Love you too," Keith breathes.

____________________________________

_pribcess >> **shiro wil die alone**_

**pribcess:** I FOUND THEM THEY WERE LYING ON A SIDEWLKA

 **pribcess:** WE R MAKING OUR WAY BACKNOW

 **thunkahunk:** OH GOD THEY REALLY ARE STUPID

 **jidge:** oh my god they fucking dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i inhale feedback to live thanks  
> merry christmas !


	15. spring break: the breakfast boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pribcess: u think,,,,,,,im gonna let a shrek into my line of sight, into my hom e, into my life
> 
> pribess: do you think i would let my eyeballs shrivel when i look in your general direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays im sick and dying  
> Insta:@snappy.snail
> 
> IMPORTNAT SHIT IN END NOTES FUCKING READ HOES

 

 

Pidge blearily blinks her eyes and trudges into the kitchen, zombielike.

"Sup hoe!" Allura says from the oven, quickly hiding an uncooked _thing_ behind her back, and it slips out of her hands and lands with an audible splat on the ground.

"What the everloving fuck is tha-"

"A pancake. It's a pancake," Allura interrupts quickly, pointing a spatula at Pidge. "A pancake."

"Are you sure," they look pointedly at the "pancake."

"A pancake," Allura lightly whaps Pidge with the spatula.

Pidge prods it with her foot, hesitantly, as if it could be made of radioactive material. "Why is it... square?"

"A PANCAKE PIDGE."

"Why is the "pancake"...red," Pidge air quotes, and raises their eyebrow.

"We all have different colors for each favorite's color." Allura looks disdainfully at the pancake on the floor. "That's Keith's. Or at least, it was."

"Speaking of me, I am HUNGOVER AS SHIT!" Keith stumbles into the room suddenly. "Ohhh god, the lights are so loud," he leans on the counter, a band-aid on his face.

"Did you get a scrape?" Allura asks worried, Mother Mode™ kicking in.

"Nah, Lance scraped his knee last night, I think."

"So it's on your...face." Pidge rolls her eyes, feeling all hope in her friends vanish.

"We were drunk? That's an acceptable answer,"

"Hey, is that a dead bird?" Keith points to the fallen pancake.

"Nah, it's a pancake," Allura says, defeated.

"I believe you," Keith quips, noting Allura's hurt expression in her inability to cook.

"HAH! A BELIEVER," Allura violently waves the spatula and Pidge, uncooked batter flying everywhere.

"God! STOP," Pidge holds her arms in front of her face for self-defense. "You demon woman."

"'Fuck you. Fuck you." Allura whispers, before hearing footsteps and smiling.

"How was... y'all's night?" Allura says pouring more batter into the pan, sizzling at the impact, and shaping it into a square.

"My night, thanks for asking babe, was horrible," Lance walks into the room, smacking gum between his teeth. Hunk is right on his heels, and he makes a beeline for Keith.

"Pssst. Shiro told me to prep ya eyes," Hunk says, leaving confusion in Keith and only giving him a bad wink before sitting down next to Pidge.

Keith looks at Lance and damn near has a heart attack because of this boy that he has to grab the counter to stop himself from falling over.

"Y'all got, like, aspirin or some shit?" Keith says quietly to Allura. She nods and opens a cabinet.

"Why are you chewing gum right now, before breakfast?" Allura says, shaking pills into her hand.

"It's an acceptable alternative to not brush your teeth in the morning," Lance blows a bubble in protest, and it pops all over his face. "Oh shit," he says, using his teeth to scrape the gum back into his mouth.

Keith has never been more gay.

"Lmao, four eyes," Pidge mocks, eyes fixated on Lance's glasses.

"Okay, two things. One, did you just use "lmao" out loud, and two, you also wear glasses Pidge." Lance says, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"But _you_ never wear glasses! This is rarer than bigfoot!" Pidge throws their arms up. "Right Keith?"

"Yup. This is rarer." Keith says, typing quickly on his phone. _How much aspirin to die?_

"Anyways, who wants to have a chill night in the pool tonight?" Allura asks, placing multi-colored square pancakes in front of each of them, and pouring orange juice.

"Who wants to have a chill night in bed with me?" Lance flirts.

Everyone stays silent.

"Guys! Come on! A chill night. A chill night with a friend," Lance looks around the room. "Allura."

"If you think, I'm leaving my king sized bed for a queen, you are gravely mistaken," she shakes her head and gives Pidge some orange juice.

"Pidge."

"Nope," they sip their orange juice, pancake left untouched. Allura only looks slightly offended.

"Hunk," Lance points to him and wiggles his eyebrows.

"He's a good choice Lance, I can feel it in my bones," Allura quips.

"You're only saying that because he's the only one eating your weird pancakes," Lance says and is immediately stopped with a spatula to the face.

"Keith. Buddy. My man," He holds an arm out welcomingly as the other hand rubs his face.

"Why am I always put in these positions?" Keith says out loud, giving Lance a disappointed glare.

"My. Man," Lance takes a step forward, shimmying his shoulders.

"Ugh. Fine," Keith stabs his fork into his pancake with finality. Allura gasps, hurt.

Lance grins and snakes around the counter until he's behind Keith and whispers into Keith's ear.

_"Netflix and Chill."_

"Okay! Nope!"

___________________________________

_daddy >> kryptid_

**daddy:** i hid his contact case youre welcome

 **kryptid:** i thought this was gods work but it was my bitch brother

 **kryptid:** but thank you lord

 

_pribcess >> **shiro will die alone**_

**pribcess:** who wants me to dye their hair im wanna fun tiems

 **podge:** me

 **pribcess:** what color kiddo

 **podge:** green def

 **pribcess:** no

 **podge:** why not

 **pribcess:** u think,,,,,,,im gonna let a shrek into my line of sight, into my hom e, into my life

 **pribess:**  do you think i would let my eyeballs shrivel when i look in your general direction

 **podge:** fuck     u

 **podge:** what colour then bitch

 **pribcess:** pink its the only colour i have i also have silver for when i gotta redo my hair

 **kryptid:** can u do my hair silver is badass

 **pribcess:** ))):::::  ur hairs too dark son and i dont have bleach ):

 **kryptid:** ,,,,betray'all

 **lancelot:** do shiros little tuft dye it pink

 **daddy:** negative no never stop

 **podge:** fine u can dye my hair pink i wanna swtich things up a lil

 **podge:** can u dye my eyebrows too

 **pribcess:** n0

 **lancelot:** can u do mine

 **pribcess:** urs is also too dark

 **thunkahunk:** me????

 **pribcess:** URS IS DARK AS WELL

_thunkahunk >> lancelot, kryptid  
_

**thunkahunk:** betray'all

 **lancelot:** betray'all

 **kryptid:** betray'all

 

_podge >> **shiro will die alone**_

**podge:** can i do yours allura

 **pribcess:** I WOULD but mY HAIR is so COLOUR DAMAGED,,,,,, u think,,,,,,i was born with silver hair

 **lancelot:** honestly yah

 **kryptid:** yes

 **pribcess:** ?????u knew me as a child lance  ,,,,,,,, b4 i had silvber hair

 **lancelot:** i dont remember anything before the age of 12

 **podge:** so u only remember 5 years of your life

 **lancelot:** i wish i remembered nothing :)

 **thunkahunk:** yah honestly,,, feel like u were born with magical ha i r

 **thunkahunk:** babby silber

___________________________________

"Let us in Allura! We wanna see baby Pidge get their hair dyed," Lance leans his forehead on the door, knocking incessantly.

"NO BOYS ALLOWED," Allura yells from inside the locked bathroom.

"Hah! Nerds," Pidge quips faintly.

"Stop moving bitch." Allura shushes Pidge and turns on the tap, drowning out their conversation.

"THIS IS UNFAIR," Hunk jimmies the doorknob, knowing very well it's locked.

"Pidge does it look good so far?" Shiro says loudly.

"If it looks anything like those pancakes, then I'm a little worried."

"LANCE I HEARD THAT AND I WILL KILL YOU," Allura yells.

"Hold on," Keith pushes through Lance and Hunk and kneels down in front of the doorknob. The rest of them give each other confused looks.

"What are you doing Keith, I can't see," Lance lowers himself and rests his head on Keith's shoulder.

Shiro and Hunk give each other a different kind of _look._

"GOD PIDGE STOP MOVING!" They all hear a loud whack.

"DID YOU PHYSICALLY HARM PIDGE." Hunk yells.

"No! The plant fell over. I am covered in dirt. Bow down to your dirt overlord," Allura responds. "I am dirtman."

"T-there," Keith stands up, obviously blushing from the contact with Lance. "Picked the lock," he composes himself and shoves his hands in his pocket.

They all look at Shiro, and then the doorknob, and back and forth.

"Fine. I'll do it."

Shiro opens the door hesitantly and is hit with a handful of dirt before he can even see anything.

"FUCK OUTTA HERE."

___________________________________

Pidge walks slowly into the living room, hair wet from a shower, but most definitely bright pink.

"What do you think?" They say, hesitantly, placing their hands on their hips, striking a cheesy model pose. They all clap and Lance and Hunk wolf-whistle from the couches.

"You look like a cotton candy fairy!" Hunk shouts out encouragingly.

"A bubblegum princess!" Lance adds, flashing Pidge two thumbs up. Pidge does a tiny twirl.

"I did a pretty good job," Allura says, a smug look on her face.

"Looks cute," Keith nods in approval.

"How would you know," Pidge counters playfully. "Gaaayy."

"I can still objectively determine attractiveness Pidge."

"Ga-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-y."

Keith stares into the camera like he's on The Office.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I M P O R T A N T S H I T
> 
> K THOTs
> 
> also with my shitty writing i do shitty art as well! on my insta (@snappy.snails) i was thinking of posting some like uhhhhhhh sketches on what i think certain characters look like in certain chapters to fuel ya imagination if yall want i mean ive drawn some to help me with writing chapters but ill post them fuckign RT below if u wanna vIE W
> 
> also feedback will cure me from my plague thanks


	16. spring break: <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancelot: theres a singular tamborine and ive been eyeing it warily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i worked so hard on this chap and its STILL SHIT but im impatient and a bad person so im posting htis and its almost 3 am fuck everything fun fact i wrote this before i even did the first chapter lmao
> 
> whoa thanks yall for 2500 hits luv yall
> 
> bruh this is like 3700 words thats like 3700x more than my usual chaps
> 
> sum things in here are things that my bf said to me :) <3 
> 
> insta: @snappy.snails

_pribcess >> kryptid_

**pribcess:** hey keith if u find a tamborine i need it thanks

 **kryptid:** ok? why

 **pribcess:** ,,,, government info

 

_lancelot >> kryptid_

**lancelot:** i found a cool closet under the stairs

 **kryptid:** is it that really tiny door

 **lancelot:** i finally crawled in here

 **lancelot:** its surprixingly clean

 **lancelot:** theres a singular tamborine and ive been eyeing it warily

 **lancelot:** care to join

 **kryptid:** ...

 **lancelot:** come on we've bonded

 **kryptid:** yeah sure

 

_________________________________

"Hey Harry Potter," Keith says, crawling through the door and straightening up. The ceiling is low and the air smells musty, but sunlight pours through a tiny window, dust particles floating through the air.

"Haha. So funny Keith," Lance smiles from the wall, where he sits, legs outstretched in front of him. Keith makes his way and plops down next to him, stretching his legs out, mimicking Lance.

"Hey," Keith says, a rush of confidence washing over him before Keith plucks off the beanie from Lance's head and shoves it onto his head.

"He-ey!" Lance covers his hair with his hands. "I have hat hair, you're humiliating me."

"Oh, so you can give me your hat at a club but not in a closet?" Keith questions, reaching over and mussing up Lance's hair, relieved to finally be comfortable around his friend..

"You can't be gay in a closet Keith," Lance says, nudging Keith with his shoulder, sun shining on his tan skin. "We are being bros."

"How come we can only be "bros" when we're alone." Keith looked up at Lance and mimed karate chopping at his throat.

"Because bros can't be gay," Lance stacked his leg on top of Keith's, smiling down at him. "Also Pidge and Hunk would bully us."

"So we're being gay," Keith laughed, remembering when he said the same thing when they got sorbet that one evening.

"Since when is two dudes in a closet not gay," Lance smiled, leaning his head onto Keith's shoulder, fiddling with his ripped jeans.

"I thought you couldn't be gay in a closet."

Lance laughs, eyes shining. "Y'know Keith, you're not bad." Lance looks down, cheeks all of a sudden flushed, eyes looking fervently to Keith's eyes, turning his body to face him. Keith reciprocates, and they sit, crossed legged, knee to knee, sunlight leaving stripes across their faces, sudden tension crackling between them.

And Keith can't stop his gaze from flickering to Lance's lips, and he quickly jerks his eyes back to Lance's, hoping that he didn't notice. Lance does notice, of course, and he hesitantly, shakily leans in, storm clouded, half-lidded blue eyes, flicking to Keith's.

Racy thoughts run through Keith's mind, needy hands and desperate things filling his thoughts like air in a room. _Not here, not now._

"We are not kissing in a tiny closet," Keith reluctantly pushes Lance's chest away, mostly for his own self-control, and tries not to think about how he briefly felt Lance's racing heartbeat.

"Who said we were gonna kiss?" Lance quickly reaches out and tucks a loose strand of hair behind Keith's ear before pulling his hand back fast. "Uh, sorry that bothered me."

"W-well, I just assumed," Keith tugged the hat down, embarrassment flooding his cheeks.

"Well, you assumed right." Lance whispers, knee bouncing up and down. "But just for-" Lance shrugs "-personal reasons, if not in a weird closet, where then?"

"What if I told you I would only ever kiss you if it was on the moon Lance," Keith is relieved to get back on a joking level, and he lifts his chin, and sarcastically blows Lance a kiss, begging, _begging_ his brain to stay calm.

"Then I would take you to the moon," Lance says like it's a casual thing, not like it just set Keith entire body on fire. He catches the kiss, as if it were a tangible thing, and shoves it in his pocket. "For later." He twists back to lean against the wall, and Keith does the same, their fingers touching, electricity sparking at the touch.

Keith leans his head onto Lance's shoulder, playing wiht the edge of his shirt. It's silent and comfortable, two confused and oblivious boys with their legs intertwined dancing on the railings between friendship and romance.

Lance lays his head on top of Keith's.

And it hits Keith like a train, bruising his ribs and whacking the breath out of his lungs that maybe his little (okay, not that little) crush might not be as one-sided as he thought.

_i would take you to the moon._

"Would you really take me to the moon?" Keith asks Lance, blushing down to his chest. "Are you high or something?"

"Not at all," Lance says, somewhat defensively. "I would fly us both there to have a fight with aliens and then see who can bounce higher."

"You're so stupid."

"Come on, you cant say that when we are platonically cuddling."

"Is it," Keith says under his breath.

"What?" Lance faces him fully, confusion coating his movements.

"Is- is it really that platonic?" He says, only a little louder, caution and apprehension falling from the sky and dusting the room.

"I guess not," Lance averts his gaze until swallowing, hard and settling his eyes on Keith's, piercing blue eyes waiting for an answer.

"Me neither."

"We're a fling then," Lance says, amazingly relieved and he pokes Keith's sides, and Keith recoils fast, giggling a little. "A scandalous fling."

"I can deal with that."

"Okay, fling," Lance wraps his arms around Keith and pulls him to his side.

"Okay," Keith says, heat filling his chest, flowing out to his fingertips.

"Just two bros, chilling in a closet, zero feet apart 'cause they're not gay."

Keith finds himself smiling, Lance's arms around him, and he finds that he loves it when Lance laughs and speaks at the same time.

_________________________________

_No Caller ID  
_

_Accept Call._

Lance holds his phone to his ear and speaks first, staring out his window into the empty darkness of nighttime.

"Hello, who is this?" He asks.

"Who the fuck is this?" The familiar voice responds, and Lance can hear laughter and splashing in the background.

"Who the fuck is you?" Lance laughs, knowing very well what was going on.

He hears laughing. "Who the fuck is you?"

"Who is you fuck?" Lance giggles.

"Fuck is you who?"

"Who is fuck you?" He asks, sitting down on his bed.

"Is you fuck you?"

"Nah come on, who the fuck is this?" He continues, lying back onto his bed.

"Is ya girl, Allura."

"Whatchu want, slut?" Lance taps his fingers on the back of his phone, the same rhythm he tapped on his hat in the slub.

"Come to the pool, we're all here."

Lance glances at the clock on the nightstand, "It's almost midnight though."

"Remember! Our pool night! Chill Night™ in the pool!" Allura says incredulously, her voice tinny from the phone.

"Did you really just verbally trademark-"

"Hurry up!"

"Ugh." Lance groans, flopping onto his bed.

"We're eating sorbet." Allura sings into the phone. "It's spiked."

"Okay, okay, let me get my swimsuit." Lance puts his phone on speaker and rummages through his suitcase and empties it on the ground, alcohol giving him a new incentive to actually go.

"Hurry up hoe," Allura says from the phone, making loud eating sounds. "Slorp, slurp, slirp, listen to that sorbet, mm."

"I CAN'T FIND IT." He yells into the phone.

"HURRY THEN."

"WAIT!" Lance interrupts.

"What."

"Can I pre-drink?"

"Why are you like this?" She hangs up.

"...Just gonna assume that means yes." Lance mumbles to himself as he searches through the pile of clothes on the ground again. As an after-thought, he picks up his phone.

 

_lancelot >> podge_

**lancelot:** can i have sum ya know ;) grass

 **lancelot:** some u know ;) um, herb

 **lancelot:** sum uh, mary jane ;;))))

 **lancelot:** some,... blaze ;)

 **lancelot:** uhhh dank;;;)))

 **lancelot:** som,,,, whacky tobaccy

 **podge:** would u like marijuana lance

 **lancelot:** some ;))))),,,,,,b  r  o  g  g o l i

 **lancelot:** yes how did u know

 **podge:** just want u to know i rolled my eyes right now

 **podge:** ok in the closet in my room, in the safe (code is 157283) and then there is a box with a spin lock thing, yah uhh that code is (46-29-50)  and then there are 2 bags, one is oregano and then one is weed (to throw off the scent), theres also hemp paper if u wanna roll one

 **lancelot:** god wt f where are you getting this shit

 **lancelot:** is it clockwise counter cloccwise clockwise

 **podge:** yah

 **podge:** matts a college stoner thats how

 **lancelot:** uNdErStAnDaBlE

 **podge:** also theres an entire bottle of vodka under allura's bed if u want

 **podge:** why  you ask? i ask myself every night when i hear it rolling around

 **lancelot:** god let me at tha t

 **podge:** whats rong lance thotty why u doing htis

 **lancelot:** none of ur business

If only Pidge knew that Lance was incredibly conflicted about Keith and what Lance had said in that closet, almost drunk on _Keith in dusty sunlight_ and _Keith wearing his hat_ and _almost kissing Keith_.

_________________________________

"You can actually see the stars." Allura remarks, looking at the night sky weighed down with dark heavy clouds. Shiro glances up at the "stars" and then gazes at Allura's face, illuminated by the pool lights.

"That's a plane 'lura." Pidge says sardonically, and Allura smacks Pidge's arm playfully, splashes of water flying up, glittering.

Pidge, Hunk, Shiro, and Allura sit in the water, eating spiked sorbet, watching their breath swirl in tiny clouds in the night air, making small conversation and listening to faint [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4l9bFqgMaQ). Keith sits on the edge of the opposite side of the pool, feet kicking slowly in the pool water, as he ate.

"I love you guys," Pidge says to them, her voice slightly slurring. Her newly dyed hair is in two tiny pigtails, almost purple under neon blue lights.

_"I'm telling you Allura, the chlorine will fuck up my hair. I just dyed it."_

_"Nah, it won't."_

_"Fucked up just like your pancakes."_

_"SHUSH. JUST TIE IT UP THEN."_

"Do we love you back Pidge? Scientists cannot figure it out," Allura scoops sorbet into her mouth, still slightly bitter about her "pancakes."

Pidge, obviously tipsy, sticks out her stained neon pink tongue out halfheartedly.

"I love y'all too," Keith slurs, watching the light from the pool ripple as he kicks his feet. "This has been so fun, I do not want to go back to school."

"Hey guys, finally found my swimsuit," Lance shouts loudly over from the back door, carefully lighting a joint in his fingers and letting the door swing shut behind him. He tosses the lighter onto the ground and presses the joint to his lips, taking a long drag and forcefully blowing the smoke into the cool air. "It was under the bed," he steps through the smoke and sees a figure idly kicking his legs in waving water. "Keith!"

At the sound of his name, Keith turns around, and when he sees who it is, a large smile adorns his face, his vaguely crooked teeth peeking out of his lips. He lifts himself out of the water slowly and meanders to Lance, bare feet tripping on the cold pavement, heart pounding.

_________

"God they both are so drunk." Hunk asides to Pidge. "Recipe for disaster."

"I thought you liked recipes," they respond, licking the remains of sorbet from their spoon.

"Not this one. Lance gets super affectionate and cuddly when he's twisted." Hunk sighs, reminiscing on the many flaws of his best friend. "He also has about, zero filter or control about the words coming out of his mouth."

"Twisted?"

"When you're just wasted, on everything. Drugs, alcohol, fucking, Lance gets high by watching music videos," Hunk motions to Lance, who looks like he's about to fall over. "Low tolerance."

_________

"Hi, fling," Keith whispers when he reaches Lance, placing a hand on his arm so he doesn't fall. Holding him at arm's length, and he gently pries the joint out of Lance's fingers and brings it to his own lips, inhaling a quick draw and blowing a small smoke ring over Lance's head.

"How did you do that?" Lance whispered awestruck, running his hands down his Keith's bare arms slowly to his hands, staring in worshipful rapture at his face. 

Keith blew smoke into Lance's face, earning him a small giggle, Lance's ears reddening.

_________

"God, I should not have let them in my stash." Pidge sinks into the water and shakes her head, making small splashes and ripples. "Now they are being all grossly lovey-dovey. All that dopamine."

"You gave Keith pot too?"

"Yeah, and I have many, many regrets," they shake their head, pigtails shaking.

"How do you even get a hold of that stuff?" Hunk asks, licking his spoon. "Oh my god, I just remembered that you're underage."

Pidge held a finger to her lips. "Shhhh." She blew bubbles in the water. Hunk raised an eyebrow.

"Fine. Matt's a stoner."

"This isn't news you know," Hunk says. "He once cartwheeled into our apartment with sunglasses and airhorns and five joints in his mouth, and we got uhhh, seven noise complaints."

"Oh yeah." Pidge shakes her head. "He got fired that day."

_________

Lance stepped closer to Keith, running light fingers down to the small of his back, gazing with rapt attention.

"Can y'all not, like, FUCK when we are all right here," Pidge yells, holding a floatie, swimming back and forth across the pool. "It's disrespectful to my MINOR and YOUNG EYES."

Lance laughs musically, sticking his tongue out at Pidge, then turning back to the boy in his arms and slowly tangles his fingers in Keith's damp hair.

"Hey."

"Hey."

_________

"Oh god. It's couples fest. Lets go play Mario Kart bro." Hunk says to Pidge, and when they take a quick look at the people around them they hurry out of the pool.

"Come on Hunk, we ain't interested in watching these dumb losers suck face." They climb clumsily out of the pool and race Hunk to the door, wet feet slapping on cold concrete, voices whopping all the way to the door.

_________

Shiro and Allura talk, Shiro sits with his feet in the water and Allura now sitting on the edge of a pool chair, looking down at him, Shiro almost breaking down under her heavy gaze, pool lights reflecting off of her hair.

"Hey." Shiro says nervously, leaning on the cold edge of the pool, looking up at Allura, her damp hair mussed and curling at the ends. Faint chill music plays in the background, voices and dripping water fading into the background, Pidge and Hunk arguing about the best way to unlock a door and Lance and Keith tangled in each other, swaying and speaking in hushed voices. "Can I say something?" Shiro asks.

"Ye-eah?" Allura shivers and pulls the towel around her tighter. "What is it?"

"It's embarrassing." Shiro catches reflecting flecks of glitter on her collarbones from their night at the club.

_"I'm not gonna drink a single drop of alcohol tonight!" Allura yelled over the music, her feet bouncing and hair flying._

_"Why not?" Shiro had said back, knowing Allura's extremely low tolerance and her tendency to drink fancy drinks and get immediately smashed._

_"I don't want to make stupid mistakes around you," she flashed him a blinding smile and shook her hips, running her hands through her hair. "Unless if I was the stupid mistake because then I would definitely wanna be around you."_

"Tell me." she says, voice snapping him out of his trance, the corner of her mouth slipping into a smile, the fluffy towel falling off of her shoulders leaving them bare. "Come on."

Driven by the memory of the club, Shiro starts. "I-I like you." He rips his eyes from Allura's, cursing himself for letting his feelings slip, for being weak and vulnerable under Allura's discernment.

"That's it?" Allura lifts her chin, curiosity leaking out of her words, a glint in her eyes. "You like me?" She repeats, smiling, her eyes crinkling and her face lighting up, although Shiro can see her trying to keep it concealed. "Why?" She leans forward, chin in her hands and elbows on her knees.

"Uh, why?" Shiro stutters.

Here's why:

1\. Long eyelashes framed her inquisitive blue eyes that never seemed to end

2\. When she smiles, stars flit around in her eyes, searching for a new galaxy to sparkle in

3\. She throws him deliberate slow blinks that send tingles up Shiro's spine

4\. Whenever she does something stupid, her laughs sound like wind chimes in a hurricane

5\. Every time she looks at him, she tilts her head slightly and her eyes would gleam, knocking him right off of his feet

He took a sip of his beer.

"Um, because I think you're beautiful," Shiro says instead, watching Allura's soft smile crack into a beam. "In every single way."

"Interesting," she says matter-of-factly, catching her bottom lip between her teeth and dragging it out. "So, what you're saying is, you want to be my stupid mistake."

"W-what?" Shiro asks, world turning and head spinning.

"I don't like to make stupid mistakes around you," she leans closer, breath ghosting over Shiro's lips. "Doesn't matter if _I'm_ your stupid mistake. If I'm yours." she quirks up an eyebrow, piercing blue eyes boring into his. "I'm all for it."

Shiro feels the world turn and his head spin. "I'll be around you," he whispers, eye to eye with her.

They really only had to move an inch closer, but Shiro gulps and sits back, mind racing at the things he should have done.

"Um, should we go inside? I bet you're cold," he says, breaking the moment.

"Yeah, of course," she says, only slightly disappointed, standing up and straightening her back, waiting for Shiro to climb out of the pool. He stands up, water falling off his body. He faces Allura, silent promises and words held by fragile threads between them.

"I like you too," Allura says quietly, before unwrapping the towel around herself and handing it to Shiro, moonlight dripping off of her exposed skin, blue lights reflecting off her outstretched arm.

Shiro takes the towel and wraps it around Allura again, and pulls her in for a hug. "Let's go inside," he whispers.

_________

"You're cold," Keith leans his head on Lance's shoulder, arms snaking their way up his back. Although a tiny part of his brain tells him that he should absolutely not be doing this, getting too connected to the boy who hands out pick-up lines and phone numbers like he breathes, but he still buries his head into his shoulder, smelling ocean air and cinnamon. They're alone by the pool, the rest of their friends having retreated back inside.

"Adorable," Lance took a puff from the joint and ducks his head to press a kiss to Keith's exposed neck, letting the smoke filter out of his lips, hands instinctively wandering to Keith's hair. "Hey."

"Hey," Keith responds, voice raspy.

"What are we?" Lance shyly curls dark moonlit hair around his fingertips, feathering over the nape of Keith's neck.

"I don't-." Keith murmurs, stars in his eyes.

"I don't what?" Lance says, pulling back slightly, hurt apparent in his face, like dead flowers.

"No, no- I mean yes! I do, but just, don't ask me now." Keith steps forward, hugging Lance, and with splashes of puddles, flickering lights, and smoke in the air, he speaks.

"I like you a lot."

"Oh good. You like me. I like you too." Lance breathes, warm breath swirling in the cold night air. Lance kept tracing his fingers over Keith's collarbones. "Cool."

Keith smiles. "Cool."

Lance hesitates, then speaks. "Come on," he walks to the lawn chairs, and sits down and leans back in one, and Keith lies in the one beside it, legs dangling off the side.

"Look. A star." Lance points to a bright dot in the sky. "Make a wish."

"I thought that was only for shooting stars," Keith says softly, turning his head to look at Lance bathed in blue light. _Blue suits him._ He looks back at the star, and he can't get the image of Lance staring hopefully into endless skies and space out of his mind.

"Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight." Lance intones, turning and staring at Keith. Normally, he would've grinned and made a dumb pick-up line, but for some reason, he couldn't speak.

"Oh." Keith shuts his eyes for a second. "There."

"What'd you wish for?" Lance asks quietly.

"Can't say. Or it won't come true."

They watch the star for a couple of minutes, aware of the silence, swirling in the air around them, almost drowning in the quiet, the only sound was their breathing and the music still playing. They both watch as the star moves across the sky. They look at each other confused and then at the same time, burst out laughing, pool lights painting their faces blue.

"F-fucking satellites."

_________________________________

He wakes up, rubbing his eyes, and stretching his back when he realizes he doesn't know where he is. He glances around the room, until he sees the figure next to him in bed, presumably naked. Holy shit.

"Holy shit." He jumps out of bed, voice hoarse. Lance slowly sits up, groaning, until he sees the intruder standing next to the bed, holding a shirt to his chest.

"Keith?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have like (2) art for this and its gonna go on my insta thanks yall
> 
> leave a comment if u like it i love talking to yall


	17. spring break: oh shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancelot: why not
> 
> kryptid: because you only have one sock on
> 
> lancelot: okay keith nobody asked you anything ever so you can shut up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to use emojis in this chapter but it wouldnt let me i hate everything i tried posting this 6 times and i had to delete it 6 times
> 
> sorry for not updating its exam season

"OH MY GOD," Lance screeches, blanket bunching up under his clenched fists. Keith quickly grabs a shirt and yanks it on hastily, static causing his hair to stand up. They stare at each other, memories of last night swirling around them like a tornado, the air thick with fear.

"Why are you in my room," Lance whispers forcefully, words piercing Keith like arrows.

"I- I don't know," Keith's hoarse voice says truthfully, unable to talk louder than a loud whisper.

They both lock eyes, fully comprehending what might have happened. 

"Oh god-" Lance starts, an unfamiliar feeling in his eyes.

Keith bolts.

He stumbles through the fancy hallways, turning corners and grabbing at wallpaper until he bursts through a familiar door, gasping.

The door opens with a bang, and Shiro screams at the loud sound, eyes scannign the room wildly until they settle on Keith.

"Oh my god, Keith what's going on, is something wrong?"

"Lance. Sleep." Keith stammers out, voice straining. He pulls his hair, panicking, air running out like sand in an hourglass.

"Good for him?" Shiro questions, walking forward and attempting to calm down his younger brother.

"I think I slept with Lance." He whispers.

"HOLY-"

_________________________________

"-fuck, holy fuck, mierda!" Lance runs his hands through his hair, panic settling in. He tosses the covers to the side with more force than needed and runs to the bathroom and stands in front of the mirror, knuckles white against the spotless counter. He keeps his eyes shut, fear filling his body on what he might see if he opened them.

He cracks one eye open, and pries the next one open. To his horror, he sees hickeys covering his neck, trailing down to his chest. 

"Shit," he slumps on the edge of the bathtub, shampoo bottles tumbling cacophonically into the tub, the loud sound reverberating through the small room. He drops his head into his hands. "God, you've really done it now Lance."

He takes deep breaths, and goes back to his bed, where his phone lies on the nightstand.

_lancelot >> pribcess_

**lancelot:** do you have me coloured concealer

 **lancelot:** allura respond this is urgent

 **pribcess:** why is my phone so loud

 **pribcess:** yeah i think i brought sum in case bcs i know u would freak if u broke out or sumthing

 **lancelot:** ok just leave it outside my door please

 **pribcess:** ????? ok then

 

Lance throws his phone onto the bed and slams his hands on the nightstand, unbelieved at his own stupidity.

 

_________________________________

 

"How long do you think until they realize that they didn't do anything," Hunk wonders, and Pidge slams a twenty onto the table.

"Where did that come fr-"

"An hour, give or take 15 minutes," they say confidently.

"Please don't do that, jebeezus, please," Allura cringes at the loud sound and sipped her water.

"Hangover huh?" Hunk asks. She nods in response.

"Just eat a Tide Pod™," Pidge says. "Cures everything."

"How the fuck-" Hunk starts, before he hears footsteps.

Lance walks in, shamefully, but still with purpose. They all turn and look at him, his hair everywhere and circles under his eyes. He takes a deep breath.

"I'm the slut of this friend group." He announces.

"Is this supposed to be news." Hunk states, monotone.

"Hah, slut." Allura whispers, her hangover evident in the way shes curled up against the corner of the couch, holding a giant cup of water.

"Hunk, you don't understand the weight of the situation here. I might have ruined one of my friendships. Forever." 

"Explain," Pidge says, setting her chin in her hands, pink hair curling around her ears.

"I might've slept with Keith." He whispers, and Pidge runs up to him and high-fives him, winking at Hunk. Lance smiles for a second and quickly wipes off his happy expression with a desperate one.

"NO. THIS IS DIRE." He wipes his hand on his shirt and slumps down next to Allura, throwing his head back onto the soft cushions.

"Stop shaking the sky," she whispers and takes a small, weak sip.

"Hey guys, I fucked up! Why do you ask? Because I'm dumb and I can't do anything right!" Keith strolls into the room, and when he sees Lance, they glare at each other, the air becoming impossibly tense. Lance stands up and walks briskly out of the room, letting out a little 'hmph'.

"We fucked," Keith says as he sits down. "I woke up in his bed." Keith squirms in embarrassment.

"Virginal Keith finally done did the fuck," Pidge smirks.

"I'M NOT A VIRGIN."

"Not anymore you aren't," they lean into the couch.

"I- hmph."

Pidge leans back into the couch. "Hah. Tide pods." 

"Wha-" Hunk raises his arms in disbelief. "No."

"I'm gonna go lie down," Allura suddenly stands up, and immediately falls onto the ground.

_________________________________

 

It's the afternoon, and bright streams of sunlight flood the room, striping the ground. They sit on the couches, stealing quick, nervous glances at each other from opposite ends on the couch. They two boys stare pointedly at their phones, ignoring the other.

But Lance can't help but remember the color of sunlight on Keith's hair, and impulsively sends him a text, and curses his impetuous ass.

_lancelot >> kryptid_

**lancelot:** hey

 **lancelot:** r we good

 **kryptid:** yeah 

**lancelot:** talk to me then

 **kryptid:** no

 **lancelot:** why not **  
**

 **kryptid:** because you only have one sock on

 **lancelot:** okay keith nobody asked you anything ever so you can shut up 

**kryptid:** then i wont talk to you

 **lancelot:** no come back

 **lancelot:** keith

 ** **lancelot:**** please

 ** ** **lancelot:****** can we talk

 **lancelot:** i lost my sock in the pool and its sitting in my room and its wet

 **kryptid:** did you only bring one pair of socks

 **lancelot:** i lost the rest

 **lancelot:** what are we

 **kryptid:** not now lance

 **lancelot:** o

 

_lancelot >> pribcess_

**lancelot:** allura

 **lancelot:** im having boy problems

 **pribcess:** oh babby boi

 **pribcess:** is it an emo boy whos name rhymes with smeith

 **lancelot:** also rhymes with meith

 **pribcess:** meith = keith x mothman

 **lancelot:** no 

**lancelot:** never

 **pribcess:** but whats wrong lancey lance

 **lancelot:** i keep trying to DTR with k*ith and he keeps diverting the topic away from the question

 **lancelot:** one sec

"Hey Pidge, can you stop playing shitty songs on the recorder please?" Lance looks up at the upper floor, where Pidge sits behind railings. "I'm trying to do important things, involving BOYS." He spits out the last word and glares at Keith, who just spares him a mere glance.

Pidge stops playing. "My heart will go on is a classic Lance. A CLASSIC ." She yells from upstairs and plays one last ear-piercing defiant note and stops.

"Fuck you," Lance says back to Pidge. Keith frowns at him.

Lance looks back at him. "Snake," he spits. 

 

_lancelot >> pribcess_

**lancelot:** allura what do I do

 **lancelot:** please i think i love him

 **pribcess:** oh you don't mean that

 **lancelot:** yeah just kidding

Lance looks into the camera like he's on The Office. He shakes his head.

 **lancelot:** but I wanna just have a relationship u know

 **lancelot:** like wake up to eggs with him and dance in the kitchen and get married and have kids and they will go to college and we will sit in rockign chairs and read to eachother Thats all i want is that too much to Ask For?????

 **pribcess:** yes

 **pribcess:** yes it really is

 **pribcess:** just take him out tell him what u feel

 **pribcess:** ask him out 

**lancelot:** consider this allura: i cannot????????? thats an issue ?????

 **lancelot:** alluFA

 **lancelot:** whered u go

 

_kryptid >> pribcess_

**kryptid:** allura im having boy problems

 **pribcess:** lance come on

 **kryptid:** it's,,,,,keith

 **pribcess:** oh whoops my bad

 **kryptid:** ALLURA help its a bOY

 **pribcess:** is it a boy whos name rhymes with, scrance

 **kryptid:** yes, also rhymes with happenstance

 **pribcess:** but babby boy, whats RONG

 **kryptid:** l*nce keeps asking me

 ** **kryptid:**** what we are

 **kryptid:** and i dont understand the question so ive been avoiding it

 **pribcess:** o h GOD YALL ARE SO DUMB !

 **kryptid:** WHAT DOES IT MEAN

 

_lancelot >> pribcess_

**lancelot:** alLUFA RESPOND

 **pribcess:** U ARE SO DUMB I HATE U

 **lancelot:** ALLUFA WHAT'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi leave comments thanks luv yall <3


	18. uhhhhh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daddy: watch this fooligans, i-
> 
> lancelot: holy fuk, hes gone
> 
> ______
> 
> lmaoooooooooo hi im back! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !   
> i abandoned yall but does it matter? nopen't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback please and maybe i wont take 7 months to update

_pribcess >>  **shiro will die alone**_

**pribcess:** whats popping bby girls

 **lancelot:** this pussy

_pribcess removed lancelot_

**daddy:** leave him and his pussy ALONE

_daddy added lancelot_

**lancelot:** IM WRITING AN ESSAY AND I WISH I STAYED AT UR BEACH HOUSE FOREVER ITS BEEN 2 WEEKS AND I MISS IT SO MUCH

 **daddy:** me too my coworkers keep throwing bunched up post it notes at me adn when i unwrap them they just say capitalism separates the smart and the poor

 **pribcess:** they aint wrong, :/

 **lancelot:** ;/

 **thunkahunk:** ;/

 **podge:** ;/

 **podge:** wheres your punctuation shiro

 **daddy:** i lost it at the beach house its gone

 **pribcess:** vacay really chilled u out huh (;

 **lancelot:** hmmmm

 **podge:** wheres keith

 **pribcess:** he was hanging with me and i told him to go get me sum pads bcs i need them

 **lancelot:** hes gonna be so confused

 **kryptid:** I Hear U Talking Shit! Bitch! 

**kryptid:** im done shoppin im walking back

 **pribcess:** ketih how did it go

 **kryptid:** i got u one tampon

 **podge:** LMAOOOA DIHAIFDHAIODF

 **thunkahunk:** HOW DID U EVEN

 **pribcess:** ITLL ONLY LAST 6 HOURS KEITH

 **lancelot:** KIETH U STOO PI D

 **daddy:** hey. dont be a rudeass

 **podge:** SHIRO LAYING DOWN THE  L  A   W

 **kryptid:** 6 hours is meaningless

 **kryptid:** time is a construct and we’re hurtling towards death

 **pribcess:** do u want me to die of toxic shock syndrome

 **lancelot:** uhhhhh

 **podge:** hmmmm

 **daddy:** no

 **thunkahunk:** ummmmmm

 **kryptid:** yes

 **pribcess:** WOW! it be ur own bitches

 **lancelot:** nobody loves u

 **podge:** i only love  <3,,, my bed ;) and my momma <3 :)))))) im sorry ',( 

**lancelot:** drakes other furniture:  ://///////////

 **pribcess:** Shut Up! Shut The Fuck Up, I Hate U So Much. I Dont Like U. At All. I Hate U. U Stoopid Bitch.I Should Slap The Shit Outta U. U Small Fuck. Get Outta My House. Oh My God.

 **podge:** : 0

 **lancelot:** damn

 **pribcess:** U are the love of my life pidge ,,,,, i would die without ur presence,,,,

 **podge:** thanks bbbbb

 **lancelot:** where is my apology

 **pribcess:** SHuT up IM BUSY! im FUCKing BUSy 

**pribcess:** pidge i love u

 **lancelot:** : 0 0 0 0 0

 **thunkahunk:** i love u lance 

**lancelot:** even my flat ass ?

 **podge:** dont worry lance u thicc

 **lancelot:** excuse me,,, im a skinny legend

 **thunkahunk:** WHAT DO U WANT LANCE, TO BE THICC OR NOT

 **pribcess:** to be thicc or not to be thicc

 **lancelot:** I AM SKINNY LEGEND INTO THE 2ND DIMENSIONm I TURN AROUND AND I DISAPPEAR

 **lancelot:** i am 2 dimensional ! flat stanley who

 **pribcess:** fool. i am 1 dimensional. I am a line. I am the SKINNY LEGEND

 **daddy:** watch this fooligans, i- 

**lancelot:** holy fuk, hes gone

 **podge:** hes transcended comprehension. , hes gone

 **thunkahunk:** NO STOP AOISDFHAODFH STOP THIS

 **lancelot:** NO

 **podge:** nope

 **pribcess:** yesn't

 **lancelot:** yopen't

 **daddy:** whats wrong with this man,,,, yopen't? 

**podge:** nothing hes beautiful

 **lancelot:** my snatched waist and my messy hair, i would do numbers on pornhub

 **kryptid:** i come back to this,

 **kryptid:** Lance N O

 **lancelot:** yall my essay,,,,,, it sucks

 **pribcess:** ur good at writing stfu 

**lancelot:** i aint LYING,

 **lancelot:** like this shit,,,, its nots good

 **lancelot:** whatever BB!!!!!!!!!!!!! im a skinnylegend anyways

 **kryptid:** lance ,,, u better st O P

 **pribcess:** skinnnnnnyyy legend,,,,,

 **daddy:** i am skinnier

 **pribcess:** my fine ass hourglass figure? u built like a fridge shiro

 **daddy:** how dare u,,,, im thiccer than all of u

 

_lancelot >> podge, kryptid, thunkahunk_

**lancelot:** welcmoe fello childs

_lancelot named the chat: **mission shallura**_

**podge:** oh how the turn tables

 **thunkahunk:** lmao the name pidge it's the same fuckgin NAME

 **lancelot:** idk what all  all yall talking about and im gonna ignore it

 **kryptid:** what's this

 **lancelot:** keith my bro, tell ur bro to ask allura out or i will kick him in his dick!

 **podge:** The Dick Kick™

 **thunkahunk:** The Double Dicker Kicker™

 **podge:** The Double Decker Dicker Knicker Kicker™

 **thunkahunk:** The Triple Decker Quicker Dicker Knicker City Slicker Kicker™

 **podge:** u fuckign win,,,,, u are the skinniest

 **lancelot:** nopen't

 **kryptid:** i've been telling shiro to ask her out for 3 years

 **kryptid:** 3 years,,,,, what the fuck

 **lancelot:** nopen't means yes

 **podge:** u could have had 4 whole babies in that time

 **lancelot:** ,,,,,, fam,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, he sTOOPID

 

_kryptid >> daddy_

_kryptid sent a screenshot_

**kryptid:** he called you stupid

 **daddy:** is that really the man u wanna be with,,,,

 **daddy:** the one that slanders ur brothers name, ur family,,, name

 **kryptid:** yes

 **daddy:** ur mcm bullys his mans brother,,,,,he doesnt even have a mans

 **daddy:** what that isnt in the groupchat

 **daddy:** do u have a chat without me

 **kryptid:** do u have one wihtout me

 **daddy:** ,,,,,,nopen't

 **kryptid:** um yah, thats what i thougth


	19. :// // / / / ////

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kryptid: suckng dikc
> 
> pribcess: suck ur own dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these aint even maek sen se anymore,,, school has done it,,,, school has officially beat my ass,,,, im on the floor,,, time itself has bested me,,,, i got a 66% on my essay

_pribcess >> **shiro will die alone**_

**pribcess:** um,,,,,,, so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 **lancelot:** it  I S      ,,,        4  pm,,,, a man is tryna rest

 **lancelot:** its M E im the man,

 **lancelot:** HOW CAN I REMAIN SKINNY WITHOUT MY REST

 **pribcess:** SKINNY QUEEM!

 **daddy:** 4 pm.....

 **lancelot:** what the fuck do u want slut! im tryna sleep !

 **pribcess:** wow,,, ok,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i call u skinny and u call me a slut

 **pribcess:** i was gonna   s a Y THAT I WAS NOTIFIED,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,that finals r in one week and i just realized,,,,,, im illiterate 

**lancelot:** mE theh fuk 2 babeygurl!

 **daddy:** your overuse of commas makes me want to die

 **lancelot:** nobody cares oldie! go eat a gogurt! gO  G U RT A GOGURT! GOGURTGOGURT! GOGO GURT GURT!

 **daddy:**.....

 **pribcess:** now look what u did hes literally pasting it rn

 **daddy:** What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

_lancelot removed daddy_

**lancelot:** He gone

 **pribcess:** perished like eggs

 **lancelot:** e e h   g  h ge :)

_podge removed lancelot_

**podge:** this is egg-allergen erasure

 **pribcess:** eggn't

 **podge:** its like 4pm why are yall awake

 **pribcess:** are yall fuking nocturnal or smth

 **podge:** if u r awake at 4 pm on a tuesday ur a lil bitch

 **pribcess:** .,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,., no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i cant be,,,, im skinny

 **kryptid:** can yall stfu! SOME PPL ARE TRYNA GET SOME SLEEP

 **pribcess:** SHUT YA STOOPID ASS UP!

 **pribcess:** wHATS WRONG WITH YALL

 **kryptid:** S T F U ! LET ME NAP! IM SO TIRED IM DAMN FUCKING TIRED! I ATE ONE POMEGRANATE THIS MORNIGN AND I SWALLOWED LIKE 300 SEEDS WITHOUT CHEWING BY ACCIDENT AND I THINK LIKE HALF OF THEM WENT INTO MY LUNGS

 **podge:** not the only seed he swallowed

 **pribcess:** ADIFHASDFOIASDJFKMAEWFAOID 

**podge:** i wonder where his gag reflex went  ;)))

 **kryptid:** suckng dikc

 **pribcess:** suck ur own dick

 **kryptid:** sorry,,,my dick is too skinny,,,, skinny legend

 **kryptid:** NOW STOP IM TRNA SLEEP

 **thunkahunk:** IM CACKLING I WAKE UP AND I SEE THIS

 **pribcess:** YOU WERE SLEEPING TOO?!!!!! wha  t eh fcuk the fuck

_podge removed pribcess_

**podge:** shes cyberbullying our good sleeping habits

 **kryptid:** STFU! LET ME SCHLEEP

 **podge:** JUST MUTE THE CHAT MAN

 **kryptid:** and MISS SOMETHIGN IMPORTATN

 **kryptid:** the last TIEM I MUTED YALL DUMB BITCHES LANCE U AND HUNK FLEW BACK FROM MIAMI AND U LEFT LANCE THERE

 **podge:** LMAOOOOO REMEMBER HUNK

 **thunkahunk:** ASDIOHFAOIDHF  LANCE FOUND DEAD IN MIAMI

 **podge:** HUNK IS THE FLORIDA MAN

 **kryptid:** LET MEFUCKGIN SLEEP STOP THIS YALL ARE SO CURSED EVERYTIME ANYONE OF U SAYS ANYTHIGN THE CHAT THE ENTIRETY OF TOXIC PLAYS

 **podge:** WHY?

 **kryptid:** U DID IT FOR APRIL FOOLS  4 YEARS AGO AND U NEVER FIXED IT

 **thunkahunk:** why are we yelling :(

_podge removed thunkahunk_

**podge:** LET GOD HEAR US

 **kryptid:** where is everyone

 **podge:** SO KNOW UR QUIET? FUCKOUTTAHERE

_podge removed kryptid_

**podge:** all better :)

 **podge:** oh shit

 **podge:** nobody is here

 **podge:** oh fuck

_podge added lancelot, kryptid, daddy, thunkahunk, pribcess  
_

**lancelot:** YALL LEFT ME OUT OF THE CHAT FOR A WHOLE 7 MINUTES WHATS WRONG WITH YALL I HATE EVERYONE HERE ILL KILL ALL OF U

 **pribcess:** PIDGE KICKED U OUT FOR EGG ERASURE IM CRYING

 **thunkahunk:** : ( i was tryna be peaceful and u only gave hate,,,,,

 **daddy:** What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

 **podge:** THIS IS WHY YOU GOT KICKED OUT SHIRO

 **lancelot:** shiro is mad bcs hes  a  v rigin

 **pribcess:** vribgin olivb oil ( :

 **kryptid:** ur smileys are still backwords

 **podge:** what the fuck hte fuck

 **thunkahunk:** wht the fuckigthefuckfik

 **lancelot:** frickin

 **pribcess:** im going to fuckgin sleep good bye babes

 **lancelot:** yall know shes lyin i can feel it

 **podge:** if elt cold air wash over me she lying

 **pribcess:** i HATE YALL I WAS GONNA GO DO MY MAKEUP AND ACTIVELY IGNORE UR MESSGAES BUT I CANT SNAKE IN PEACE

 **daddy:** LMAO

 **podge:** sis is that fentea

 **lancelot:** sis is that fentea

 **lancelot:** STFU PIDGE U NEVER PARTICIPATE IN POP CULTURE ADNW HEN U DO U TAKE MY SPOT AS,,,,,, THE WOKE KING OF THIS CHAT HOW DO U TYPE SO FAST

 **thunkahunk:** i am the woke king

 **kryptid:** hes right yall

 **lancelot:** and ur gay yall

 **podge:** OHMGYFG

 **kryptid:** you would know

 **pribcess:** WHATSFGOIN ON I LEFT AND I COME BACK TO THIS M  E  S S

 **lancelot:** so UR CALLING ME OUT NOW

 **kryptid:**   :///


	20. announcement folks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> read this or ill egg ur house

so fellas

im noT FEELING THIS FIC ANYMORE IF IM BEING REAL WITH U CHIEFS

 

so instead im writing new one, obviously klance lmao because seasons 6 with its grimy hands cant rip klance away from me that fast

so if u have any requests for tropes or scenes that u want then comment below!

but its gonna be modern day AU so dont be requesting those uwuwuwuwuwu victorian au where lance is a street boy nO I CANT WRITE THAT SHIT IM NOT DOING RESEARCH I REFUSE

but all i have so far is lowkey badboy/hypebeast lance lmao and also,,,,insta baddie allura

 

SO YAH FOLKS ! comment below what yall want bcsu know i like to give ppl what they want i know,,,, im such a generous queen

 

also say good bye to this fic its dead

 

it yall really want ill post the ending chapter for THIS FIC that i wrote like way long ago where they kiss and shit

 


	21. i like the rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FINAL CHAPTER THAT I WROTE LONG AGO BUT I WILL POST IT FOR YALL BCS YALL WANT CLOSURE
> 
> even if none of yall rlly want it, two ppl wanted it so i edited it badly and rushed thru it so to that those two ppl can enjoy it lmao i love yall

_lancelot >> **lance will die alone**_

**lancelot:** its raining so hard guys prolly cant go keith 

**podge:** jesus is sad

 **thunkahunk:** h e crie,,, tragical

 **podge:** y u going to keiths

 **pribcess:** (((;;;;;

 **lancelot:** i gotta kick his ass at kirby epic yarn adventure

 **podge:** ,,,,,,, thats a teamwork game

 **lancelot:** to be truthfully, .... ur wrong

 **thunkahunk:** u work together,,,,,,,,to complete the level

 **lancelot:** rong!

 **pribcess:** you both,,,,,,, are on the same team,,,

 **kryptid:** thats ok we can hang out some other time

 

_lancelot >> kryptid_

**lancelot:** IM SORRY KEITH

 **kryptid:** it's fine

 **lancelot:** i feel bad

 **kryptid:** youll get sick if u go outside its freezing

 **lancelot:** : (

 **lancelot:** when r u going back to your apartmnet

 **kryptid:** 10 mins probably, im leaving right now brb

 

 

 

It's the quick early August rain. The kind few and far between, the kind that last ten minutes and are gone in a flash, the kind that wreaks havoc in the streets, the kind that is quick, angry, and desperate. 

People run for cover, umbrellas and newspapers covering peoples heads as they rush into buildings, cars splashing bystanders.

Keith races through the rain on his motorcycle, wishing that he checked the weather before he left. He pulls up by his apartment and as the roar of the engine falters, he sees a familiar face.

Lance stands on the sidewalk outside of Keith's apartment, a weak grin on his face, and soaked to the bone. Keith stares at him and shakes his head.

"You're crazy," Keith says, parking his bike between two cars and pulling his helmet off, his hair already becoming weighed down with water.

"Really coming down hard isn't it?" Lance says loudly, rocking back and forth on his heels, hands shoved into his hoodie pockets, drenched with rain, his hair curling at the ends. The rain doesn't stop, but the dark clouds can't cover the bright blue of Lance's eyes.

"No shit," Keith gets off his bike and walks over to Lance. "Where's your jacket?"

"I miscalculated the weather," he grins.

_They both remember that night at the club, tripping over their own feelings, running on sidewalks, storm clouds in eyes._

Hair sticks to his forehead, and Keith's soaked to the bone. The ground looks like a small ocean, swimming in front of his eyes. He looks at Lance, and he realizes something that's been right in front of his eyes the whole time.

He loves Lance.

He loves the jokes he cracks, his dorky faces he pulls, his teasing voice, the way his eyes look at night, reflecting starlight in his irises. He loves the way he smells like ocean air and light cinnamon, and how his legs look in jeans, and how when he wears his glasses they frame his face perfectly. He loves that when Lance laughs, the room lights up like the sun, he loves the faint dusting of freckles on his shoulders, he loves his-

"Can we go inside?" Lance says, interrupting his thoughts and taking a step towards the building, and Keith grabs his wrist.

"Wait," Keith took a breath. "Let me say something." 

He has to. He has to say it. It sits on his tongue like caramel candy, sweetness webbing across his body.

Raindrops hit windows, rooftops, pavement, and skin. 

"What?" Lance slips his wrist out of Keith's cold hand and crosses his arms. Defensive, scared.

Lance shakes the water out of his hair, tilting his head, waiting for an answer.

"Whatever." Keith swallows the sweetness down. It doesn't matter.

"No, tell me." Lance steps forward, eyes curious, one eyebrow raised with slight concern.

Keith takes a deep breath, rain falling violently from the sky and splattering on the ground. He keeps his eyes trained on the ground,

"I think I'm in love with you," he stammers, voice breaking. 

Time stops. 

And Lance feels the world fall around him, cracks opening in the wet pavement. Rain stops falling. Cars stop honking. He imagines himself digging his desperate hands into Keith's wet shirt, hard, and staring at his violet eyes. Did you really mean it? Did you? 

Keith swallows in response.

So Lance blinks, watching the world reconstruct slowly. Traffic lights turn from red to green. Rainwater dusts his arms.

"-what?"

Keith's nails dug into his palms, and he bites his lip nervously. "I don't know how, or why, but-," Keith threw his head back, and sighed, gazing into the crying sky. "I just do. I'm in love with you. I don't _love_ you, per se, but one day I know I can and I will! I just-um." 

Lance's brain short-circuited, forgetting how to breathe. Cars rush by, honking and tires in puddles. The sound of the rain blurred into a heavy drumming, matching his pulse. The scent of rain on the earth

"Keith, I-" 

Keith's gaze flickered to Lance's lips, and he laughed nervously, diverting his gaze to the sky, blinking water out of his eyes, and dragging a hand down his face. 

"Oh god. Please say something. Anything," he whispers, embarrassment coloring his cheeks red, red like his jacket.

Lance stood still, water trickling from his hair, clothes clinging to his body.

"Just- forget it okay?" Keith scratched the back of his neck. "Pretend this never happened." 

Lance pretends to take something out of his pocket.

"Wha-?" Keith stammers. "What are you doing?"

"Remember that kiss?"

Keith's eyes widened, eyelashes dripping, hair clinging to his forehead. He remembered blowing a chaste kiss to empty air, dust filtering through sunlight. He remembers shimmering blue pool lights and abandone tambourines. Playing Mario Kart with a screaming Pidge and throwing waffles at Shiro. He remembers trying his best to be mad at Lance, but watching him look at him earnestly with rain running down his face, he can't. "Yeah," Keith says weakly, feeling his face become heated. Even with the freezing air and cold rain, his face felt like fire. 

"God, you're beautiful," Lance says quickly, breathless, bringing him back to the present. "You're fucking beautiful." 

"What, Lance-" Keith was cut off, with Lance's lips on his.

Suddenly Keith doesn't care about anything else except for the boy in his arms and the fire blooming inside his chest. All he cares about is that Lance kissing him, hand sliding up from his back to the nape of his neck, fingers twirling through his wet hair, clamor and noise blurring into one loud drone that quickly fades into the background.

Suddenly Keith didn't care that he was soaking wet, or that people were definitely watching, or that the sky was crying, 

Keith melted into Lance's arms, hands grasping at wet fabric, feeling Lance's hands roaming. 

If Keith could freeze time and stay in this moment forever, he would, just to remember the feeling of soft lips, the cold rain mixed with Lance's ocean air scent, wet fabric bunched in his numb hands.

They pull apart, lips red, bitten, raw. They stare.

"You're staring," Lance says breathlessly.

"Oh shut up." Keith whispers, a small smile on his face.

"Remember?" Lance pats his pocket. "I saved that kiss."

Keith blushes and looks down at his soaked shoes.

"Oh, come on." Lance lifts Keith's chin with his hand.

Keith is suddenly staring at hazy blue eyes framed with dripping eyelashes.

"Can I?" Lance asks.

"Do you even have to ask?"

So again, Keith smiles against the kiss, and Lance does too, before breaking apart and pressing their foreheads together, laughing at each other.

"We shouldn't be doing this when it's raining," Lance whispers, eyes shining, water dripping off of his face.

"I don't care," Keith pulls Lance closer. "I like the rain."

They stand there until the rain slows down, and the sun peeks out hopefully between clouds.

 

The next day, Keith holds his hand out defiantly and Shiro grudgingly hands him $200.

 

 

 

**_~6 MONTHS LATER_ ~**

 

_lancelot >> kryptid_

**lancelot:** hey you know i love you right

 **lancelot:** u awake

 **kryptid:** its almost 3am lance

 **kryptid:** but i love you too

 **lancelot:** no but like

 **kryptid:** no what

 **kryptid:** lance im freaking out here

 **lancelot:** call me

_Calling Lance..._

Keith taps his fingers on the back of his phone, pacing on the spot worriedly.

_Call Accepted._

"I love you." Lance blurts out.

"Interesting way to greet me, Lance." He grins, tension easing out of his shoulders.

"I love you."

"Again, interesting way to-" 

"I love you." Lance interrupts. "Te amo, me encantas-"

"I love you too," Keith answers finally, shuffling to his kitchen to make coffee. "But what's up babe?"

"Oh my god, I love when you say that, actually no. I love YOU when you say that. But let me ramble okay?" Lance sprawls on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Of course."

"I love you. But I mean it in like, um, I'm just fucking crazy about you, you know? Every time I see you it feels like I'm on drugs, which I probably am, but because you just make everything so much better, and honestly you've changed my damn life. I didn't know last year that I would have a crush on some oblivious motorcyclist, and that I would love the adrenaline of holding your waist while streetlights pass by and I didn't know last year that I would start to love the color red so damn much, b-because every time I see red I think of you, a-and-" Lance chattered on and on, and Keith just listened and breathed.

"Lance, I-" Keith beams impossibly wide.

"I didn't know that last year that the week we went to Coran's beach house on spring break about a year ago that the word love would make me think of eating sorbet in pools at nighttime and dusty attics and I just wanna say that everytime you smile I can't. Fucking. Breathe."

Keith sipped his coffee, trying to burn the words into his head.

"Remember when we were lying down by the pool and looking at the stars and we just lay there talking in the dark about everything and nothing all at once? Remember when you would pick me up on your bike you would purposely make the puddles splash on me because you said my hair looks pretty when it's wet? And when I said when you wake up, your eyes look so beautiful? Well in all these moments I realized I loved you a little bit more, but I didn't know it at the time and-"

"I used to like, think to myself and I would say like, I can't have a crush on him because he's just Keith right? But I wouldn't know that because Keith just means something so different and it's fucking perfect, and I didn't know that you would mean so much to me, but when you lace your fingers with mine they fit just like puzzle pieces and I've been lying awake just thinking if I've finally found my missing half and it's been the guy I've been dancing around because I've been too fucking scared to tell him that I like him but the thing is that-"

"God, Lance-" Keith blushed and held a hand to his cheek. Lance continued.

"I'm not scared anymore. I fucking love you Keith, and I felt like I had to tell you the reasons why but this isn't all, I have millions and thousands of more reasons why. I love you, Keith. I. Love. You. So. Much."

"Holy shit Lance, you scared me but I love you so so so so so much," Keith whispers. He paused. "You're cute."

"...Hey," Lance whispers again, watching the stripes of light from the headlights sweep across his ceiling.

"Yeah?" Keith murmurs.

"Come over."

"It's 3AM Lance." He smiles, giggling.

"God, you're so cute." Lance sighs.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course."

"Cool."

Keith smiles. "Cool."

"Good night Lance."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

_Call Ended._


End file.
